Saturday, June 23, 2012

I Was Wrong...An Adoption Correction

Sometimes it is hard for people to admit they were/are wrong.  I am one of those people--my enduring husband is probably the one who could attest to that the most, unfortunately.  However, I feel as if I am learning s.l.o.w.l.y. to admit my faults, seek forgiveness, and move on from them.  In my previous post (read it here), I wrote something that God has spent much of yesterday and this morning lovingly telling me I was wrong about.

In that post, I said, "Nora is the priority here, friends.  Not Micah and Angie, not her birth parents, not a Haitian government or a US home.  Not anything but Nora."

Well, that was wrong.  As much as my Mama heart wants this to be all about Nora, it just isn't.  This adoption is not about Micah and Angie, not about Nora's birth parents, not about a Haitian government, not about a US home AND it is also not about Nora.  Instead, this is about the Lord of Lords writing a story that none of us could even fathom.  It is about our Holy God writing a story of redemption, love, forgiveness, blessing, and life for EVERYONE He created.  Yes, Nora, is one of those children.  I am one of those children.  You are one of those children.  But, so is Nora's birth father.

Out of my frustration with Nora's birth father recently coming around the orphanage to try to take her back with him, I instantly began to resent him.  It happened that fast.  Resentment, friends, is not something that sits well for too long before God begins to convict.  I woke up yesterday feeling like my 90% peace I talked about was being swallowed by my 10% fear.  I felt the beginning feelings of completely losing Nora and it made me choke.  My stomach was in knots.  What would I do without her?  How would I move on from this if he really did take her back?   What if our adoption of who we have so believed and trusted God to be our daughter ended?  Ugh.  I sat in a despairing moment just feeling sick.  I knew I needed to get back to the peace God had given me earlier because all those thoughts were not Truth...they were "what if's".  The problem was I just didn't know how to stop thinking them.  I silently spoke a prayer to God that I never really put much thought into.  It went something like, "God, I'm scared and I don't know what is driving me further and further from Your Peace and into my worst fears, but it's happening and I don't know what to do about it or how to stop it."

Sometimes His answers to prayer come so quickly you wonder if you thought of it yourself, but then you realize you could not possibly have come up with that response yourself because it was nothing you were remotely close to thinking about.  This was one of those moments.

As soon as that prayer was uttered in my brain, the answer came, "Angie, this is not about Nora.  This is about Me wanting to meet the needs of my children.  Nora's birth father is also one of my children.  Pray only for his needs today.  Praying for him will bring back My peace.  You can do nothing right now to guarantee she will stay at the orphanage, but you can pray for her birth father and those prayers may just allow her to stay.  Praying for Him is what I want from you today"

Okay.  Right.  Pray for the man I'm pretty much ticked off at right now.  Yep, that seems completely Biblical, totally something God would want me to do, and the last thing I would think of--that answer to prayer had to have come from Him! : )  Instantly, friends, my heart changed from something cold and hard towards him to one of compassion and sympathy.  I was wrong.  This is not ALL about Nora.  God was right.  This is ALL about God speaking to the hearts of ALL His children.

So, I spent the better part of yesterday here and there in prayer for God to come to Nora's birth father in a very real and tangible way and meet whatever need it is he has.  You see, I really believe that he is trying to use Nora as leverage to get Nora's birth mom back into his life to meet his needs.  This is an elderly man who has a tiny plot of farm land and nothing else.  Nora's birth mom was meeting almost all of his daily needs.  She was helping him on the farm, she was cooking for him, she was cleaning their little home, she was giving him companionship.  And then she left.  I do not know the reason she left.  I do not need to know it.  The point is, all of the needs being fulfilled by her presence are now gone and he is desperate for something or someone to meet those needs.  This is where I believe he is wrongfully entering Nora back into the picture.  Nora is the one thing that ties him to her birth mom.  Of course he would think to use her to try to get his "need-meeter" back.  He is desperate.  But this is not Nora's job.  This is not Nora's role (nor do I really think it is her birth mom's either).  This is not what God has made Nora for...she was not meant to meet his needs or bring someone else back to meet them.  This is rightfully and only God's job, God's role, God's desire...God is the One and only One who can meet this man's needs completely.

I feel I have such a clear picture of why God is allowing this little side story (although I also think it is obvious I have no idea what the mind and plan of God truly is).  God is not only going to meet Nora's needs by giving her a family who will love her and protect her (us), but He is also going to meet her birth father's needs by giving him whatever it is he needs too....whatever it is he TRULY needs.  I do not know what that is, but I am praying to a God who does know and can fulfill them instantly.  I believe in faith that as God is asked to meet those needs in this man's heart and life (even if it is not directly from him, but through me instead), her birth father will also release Nora to be free for what God has intended for her life too.  It's a win, win, win for all of us and through it all God will once again get the glory.

So, friends, please forgive me for my short-sightedness.  Forgive me for thinking this was all about Nora.  Forgive me for being wrong.  Let me be the first to remind myself (and perhaps all of us) that this is all about God's glory...God's Kingdom coming in flesh and blood to this earth to save the lost and bring us all into His Home forever.

Lord Jesus, come.  Come and meet this precious man's needs in Your Son's Name.  I pray this verse for him today, "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.  To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (Phil. 4:19-20)  He is just as important in Your eyes as Nora is.  Thank You for reminding me of this Truth today.  I also pray that same verse for Nora and for myself.  Will You come, Lord Jesus, and meet all of our needs--even those we do not know we even have.  Amen.

I love how God uses Scriptures over and over in a storyline, but the meaning changes or maybe I should say "deepens" from one moment to the next.  Take a look at the Scripture He brought to my heart for Micah's original mission trip to Haiti, which then became an important Scripture as we began this adoption process (read our start to this process here), and now has an even deeper meaning attached to it in light of what God asked me to be praying for.  He is so cool like that! 
2 Corinthians 8:10-15
“And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter: Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: 'He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."

So, for this moment, this day, the peace the Lord has given is back.  If it seems to be dwindling again later, I will now know what to pray--"God, what do You want me to pray for?"  Until that moment, however, I will bask once again in that peace, and trust Him to be doing a work far greater than I could ever imagine.


I'll be packing up these adorable little shoes I bought for my daughter, Nora, and sending them down with some friends heading to Haiti in a few more weeks.  I kissed them and prayed over them before putting them in the package..."God, may You protect these precious tiny feet and bring them into my arms as soon as miraculously possible.  You know I love her so much."

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