These thoughts made me curious as to what waiting really is then. I wondered if waiting was an action itself or was waiting the process of doing other actions for a period of time until you have whatever it is you have been waiting for? I was prompted to look up the definition of the word "waiting" to see what scholars decided it truly was. Here's what I found--waiting is: The act of remaining inactive or stationary. What!?! Is that even possible? Can we actually not move until we have what we were waiting for? Weird, isn't it? I honestly don't know if this is possible...our lives are too full of activity.
During this adoption process I have found myself in a state of what I have been calling "waiting" daily. Whether it's waiting for a new piece of paperwork to come back from getting legalized or translated, waiting for money to come in, waiting for fingerprinting results to come back, or waiting to hear who Nora will be, it's been a constant state of waiting. But, in all that waiting, I have never found myself "remaining inactive or stationary" so have I truly been "waiting" or have I just been replacing waiting with action? Either way, I guess, I'd rather be involved in action than just sitting around.
It's pretty much a mind game, isn't it? We think if we fill the waiting with action it will make the time go faster. What an interesting concept. Time really can't move faster (or slower for that matter) yet for some reason, we think it can by what we do or not do. I mean, if I truly waited for Nora to come to our home and did absolutely nothing until it happened, it would take the exact same amount of time as if I filled that time with action. Can you imagine if I was literally waiting for Nora to come to our home? It's estimated this process will take 1-2 years after we are matched with her. 1-2 years of remaining inactive or stationary. Really? 1-2 years of doing nothing. Not possible. So, I guess what I've concluded is that I'm not really waiting for Nora. Instead, I'm actively doing other things until she gets here.
So, what are those actions? Well, I have a husband to love for starters. I have three kids to take care of. I have friends and family to share with. I have a church to be active in. I have a house to clean. I have prayers that need prayed. I have healing work to do in my heart and soul. I have errands to run. I have sisters to encourage. I have dishes to do. I have experiences to enjoy. I have more of freedom to discover. My plate is full. My cup is full. And every time God gives me a new blessing to witness or experience that draws me deeper in relationship with Him or towards freedom, I have this little thought that floats through my head..."Oh, God, thank You for allowing me to experience that before I find out who Nora is. I am a healthier woman for it, which means I'll be a better mom to her for it. What a blessing! Now I know why Your timing is different from ours." So, do these activities take away the sting of waiting for a daughter I have yet to meet? No, they don't. My heart aches and yearns to know who Nora is. Do these activities make this easier though? Yes, they do actually. I am grateful for a life full of activity.
As we posted last week, a mother who has a little 30 month old girl was supposed to meet with the orphanage director at ROH on Friday. I was hopeful for my current "wait" to be over and for God to finally reveal if this little girl will be our Nora or not. However, once again, "Haitian time" lives on and the meeting with the mother did not happen. We received word this afternoon this meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow (Monday, Oct. 17th) so I again "wait". But will I really be "waiting"? No, I'll be actively going on about life and eager to hear the news when we get it.
So, are you waiting for something? Is it inactive and stationary? Do you need to put some action into life to make it easier? If so, here is a song I have found to be very helpful in my waiting. It gives me direction as to what actions are the best actions to be focused on. I hope it gives you direction in your own waiting.