Heavy Burdens, Choices, and What it Means to Live Life as a Day Hiker

 This morning we got some not so forward-movement news from Haiti and I posted this on facebook:

Well the latest news from Haiti sent early this morning was that our papers did not get dropped off to the Embassy last week as we were led to believe they were. (Shucks) Our director is now waiting until she has the corrected passport and sending them all at the same time. The work we thought the Embassy would be doing while the passport was being corrected will not begin until the passport is corrected and all is turned in together. This could set us back again for several weeks. Please pray for a fast passport correction so we can continue to move forward. We also found out this morning that there is still one more paper she is also waiting on and this is also why our other completed papers were not already sent to the Embassy yet—she is waiting for that paper to save time and gas with the trip to PAP. Please pray for this paper to become available as well as the corrected passport so we can move forward. Thank you!

One of my college friends who has been an active prayer support through this adoption then commented this in reaction to my post, “Oh Angie!! Steps forward one step back. Praying those papers get moving! It has to be frustrating that all the holdup to having your girl at home is because of paper!!!!”

I went to post a reply comment, but several minutes into typing I realized this was not a “comment” type of reply, but instead, an entire blog post reply. So, here is my reply to my friend AND, remarkably, the answer to my previous blog post's question that I mentioned wanting to tackle...the question of “Why is waiting so tiring?” I think you will see the answer unfold before you as you read on.

So without further ado, my thoughts in reply to this: “It has to be frustrating that all the holdup to having your girl at home is because of paper!!!!”:

Well, paper, yes, AND human mistakes when working on those papers! Yes, there is no doubt about it, it IS frustrating. It's frustrating to know that what one person with our form on their desk could most likely get it done in a matter of a day (or even a few hours of a day) but hasn't yet will potentially hold up our homecoming date by 3 weeks now. That if the person typing up our passport would have just double checked their typing for 30 more seconds to see the one wrong letter, I could be holding my girl in my arms for potentially 3 extra weeks beyond what I now get to. Yes, “frustrating” is the word I would pick. Basically it boils down to this...if humans weren't involved in the process then Nora would be celebrating her 2nd birthday with her family at the end of this month instead of celebrating it in the orphanage still. There isn't much about the adoption process that isn't frustrating if you look at it through the lens of logical thinking. And that is the ongoing battle....logical thinking verses the higher call of Christ. The higher call of extending grace, forgiveness, and peace in the midst of a broken world with broken processes all being carried out by broken people.

Today, friends, much the same as every day on this adoption journey (or through life for that matter) I have a choice to make. I can choose to dwell on the “what if's” and the “if only's” that come with every bit of news from Haiti. I can choose to be disappointed in the efforts of those I will never meet who have touched our paperwork and not moved it along fast enough for my liking. I can choose to dwell on the logical and be completely frustrated OR I can choose to set aside the rational thinking and the frustrations that come with it and look to God to overcome it with a peace that passes all understanding. I can look to a God who has power and authority to move things that would otherwise be at a standstill. To trust that God is bigger and more good than any human effort ever will be. To trust that God's grace covers not only me, but all those who are working on our papers.

When I got the email this morning, for example, at the same moment of feeling frustration and disappointment, I have to admit I also was thinking this, "Okay, God, here we are again! This isn't working out like we hoped and I need You to show up with Your power and authority that goes beyond what humans can even imagine. You are in control and when all else seems hopeless, You are STILL alive, active, and moving on our behalf. Like Toby Mac's song says, 'If you want to steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go.' So, GO, God, GO!" With those two contradictory thoughts/feelings simultaneously happening in my mind this morning I am left with a choice to make...which one do I believe, which one do I base my attitude on, which one do I focus on for the remainder of the day? The disappointment or the hope. The heavy burden or the light?

For me, honestly, I need to do both and I think it is actually GOOD to briefly carry the heavy burden before giving it up, but let me explain why. For a moment of time, first, I need to be frustrated and disappointed and feel the weight of that burden on my own shoulders. I need to remain in my heartache long enough to acknowledge it properly and know what it feels like to be weighed down like that. I am not one who likes to be numb to the pain of life--to push it aside and try to pretend it isn't there. Nope, I'm the one that will live intensely right in it and get everything and anything the Lord has for me there before moving on. I want to KNOW the weight of what I am eventually handing over to Christ to carry for me. When I allow myself to carry it for a bit of time (and that time frame varies with each situation) I find myself even more grateful for a God who willingly and lovingly takes it from me and carries it for me. Wow, such sacrifice He gives for me. If I never allow myself to carry the weight of it all, would I ever comprehend even a fraction of that sacrifice? Would I be able to truly thank Him for what He has done for me if I don't even know what it was?

If you are like me, however, and choose to carry those burdens on your own for a short amount of time, there comes a critical moment where you also have to make the decision to give them up or you will quickly sink into living the life God never intended for you to live. A life of relying on our human, sinful, imperfect self or other human, sinful imperfect selves to bring lasting relief, comfort, and help. Such a lie. We have no ability to do such things. Only Christ. I was never created to carry heavy burdens. You were never created to carry heavy burdens. Christ was. This decision to lay your burden—your frustrations—your pain—at Christ's feet is harder than you think. In the heat of the pain, Satan encourages us to believe the lie that the burden of carrying it really is not as bad as admitting to Christ we need help to carry it. It's subtle, but it's there and if we choose to believe it, we forfeit God's gift of grace and move on through life carrying weights we were never meant to carry. After carrying it just long enough to know the weight of it, I have to give it up if I want the fullness of God in me. If I want the freedom of a lighter load.

So, what does that look like? What does leaving your burdens at the foot of the cross really mean? It sounds nice, but what does it mean practically for us humans? What does the lighter load look like on a daily basis? For me, I am not a person who can go through life empty handed—I am wired to carry something. If I'm not carrying a heavy load of burdens and God wants me to give it up and let Him carry it, I've still got to hold onto something so I don't pick it right back up again. Maybe it's because tend to be a person of compassion towards others—I can visualize Jesus carrying all my crap and I feel bad enough that I think I should take it back (see Satan's lie covertly slipping right back in there!). So, for me, leaving it all with Him requires picking something else up to replace it or I'll end up right where I started again. I personally replace the burden with Scriptural Truth. That is what I carry so I'm not empty handed...Scripture. Pure and simple...and quite frankly, much easier and lighter to carry. Today, for example, the Scripture I chose to carry instead of my frustration of this current set-back in our adoption is this: John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I can dump my burden on Christ and chose to carry the Truth that even though I will have trouble in this world, God Himself has overcome it. Much more refreshing, hopeful, and energizing to my soul. Truth for a weary traveler who still feels the need to carry something along the road, but is tired of carrying the heavy stuff. Yes, I had to look the Scripture up. I wish I had more memorized, but I just don't. I had to work to find it, but the release of the heavy weight and current carrying of this lighter load was worth the 10 minutes it took for me to find it. In even more practical terms, perhaps writing this short verse of Truth out and actually carrying it around with you for the day would be a great way of constantly reminding yourself of how you have chosen to not carry the burden.

Do you see it, friends? Do you see the answer to why this wait is so tiring? Because every day I am faced with choice after choice after choice of whether I carry the heavy burden or trade it in for much lighter Truth. My brain/my spirit has to constantly be in decision mode of what I'm going to carry that day. Some days I'm still carrying the heavy load and those days are much more tiring, while other days I chose to take the time to look up Truth to replace the burden. It still takes work to get to the easier load, but it is worth it in the end. To conclude, I'd like to leave you with this illustration. I'm a visual learner, so for those like me, hopefully this will help etch all I have written above into a neat little image you can think of in a split second when you need it.

God wants us to be a day-hiker. Yep, a day hiker. Life and every situation within life is a hike. We are on the move—we are going somewhere—we are hiking. I say “we” because God sent His Son, Jesus, to hike right alongside us. Sometimes there are even others on the trail too, but eventually all the others will have to stop to tie their shoe or take in a breath-taking scene and we will find ourselves with only Christ by our side. To prepare for the hike, we have packed all we think we will need for the life-long journey. It is all jammed into our mammoth backpack and let me tell you—it is HEAVY! However, it truly is what we need to make it through every situation that may come at us along the trail so it is essential to have that backpack with us. We begin this hike thinking we are the one who is supposed to carry that darn heavy backpack each and every day of the hike, but actually that is not Truth. Remember, we were never created to carry heavy burdens. Christ was.

Christ is not hiking the trail beside us just to keep us company, He is hiking it beside us so that He can carry that backpack for us. He desires us to use Him and all His crazy amount of strength along the journey. Instead of carrying that backpack, Christ is offering us the chance to life life—hike the trail—as if we were a day-hiker. Do you know the major difference between a through-hiker (one who is on the trail for longer periods of time) and a day-hiker? A through-hiker has to carry the heavy backpack because their journey is multiple days and a day-hiker has to carry a water bottle and some small amounts of food—only the essential needed for their body to successfully get through ONE DAY of hiking. That's it. One day. They carry only what they need for that day. This is what God created us to do. To hike the life-long trail one day at a time. To hike with all that we will need for an entire life-long journey on the back of Jesus while we carry the water and bread we need to make it for that day only.

And what has He said in Scripture is the “water and bread” we need to make it through that day? Dt. 8:3 says that “man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” Scripture, friends! Scriptural Truth is the water and bread that will keep our bodies readily able to walk the day-hike before us. If we need anything else, we have nothing to fear because it is still within our reach—just carried for us by Jesus, ready for our time in need. All we need to carry is the light load of Scripture—that little piece of paper with Scripture written on it or that compact Bible that can fit in your purse or pocket. Can you picture how amazing this way of life is? You are still hiking—still putting forth effort, still working, still climbing, still facing challenges and dangers along the trail, but you are doing it all with very little weight on your shoulders and much more energy to enjoy the view, help fellow travelers, and have amazing conversations with your Traveling Buddy. Seems like the way to live...the way to hike. As a day-hiker.

Don't take my word for it though. Take His:

• Ps. 68:19, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."
• Mt. 6:11, “Give us today our daily bread.”
• Ps. 81:6, “I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket.”
• Mt. 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
• Mt. 6:31-34, “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
• Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
• 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
• Philippians 4:19, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
• John 6:63, “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life.”
• Psalm 55:22, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
  
  And, as far as the "steps forward and then a step back" thing my friend mentioned in her comment...I found this photo once along this journey and it brought a smile to my face.  It's all in our perspective.  I've been known to say I think I'll be a Latin dancer when I get to Heaven because I love it so much but don't quite have what it takes in my human form...ha!
  
  

  

  
   

Waiting and Gleaning

One of the questions that rings through my head towards the end of a current 2 year, 2 month process is "Have I waited well?"  There is much talk about "waiting" in the adoption world because, unfortunately, much of the process of adopting is just that...waiting.  In a nut shell, you work like a crazy person to complete every piece of paperwork you have to and then the rest is waiting for those papers to get passed through governmental office after governmental office until they give you the green light to bring your child home.  You hurry to wait then hurry to wait and then hurry to wait again, but the majority of the time, you are waiting.  Waiting for a referral, waiting for signatures, waiting for the mail, waiting for approval, waiting for a birth, waiting for a plane, waiting for news, waiting for weekends like this one to be over so offices will reopen and movement is a possibility again, waiting for anything and what seems like everything.  It's tiring, to be honest, which is weird because when you are "waiting" it's like you are in a holding pattern instead of actively doing something.  Why is waiting so tiring?  Hmm...maybe that should be my next question to contemplate, but for today I will continue to address the subject of waiting and gleaning.

Have I waited well?  The answer...no.  Well, yes.  Maybe.  Umm...does it really even matter?  What is "well" anyway?  Who determines what "well" is?  My "well" could be someone else's "terrible" and yet another person's "amazing".  It's a silly question in the end because it really can't be answered factually.  It's all based on opinions.  I've come to see, for myself at least, that there is a better question than if I've been waiting well through our adoption process.  My better question is "Have I gleaned all God had for me during the wait?"  That one can be personally answered...at least as well as our limited human mind can answer it.

So, have I gleaned all God had for me during the wait?  Yes.  With all of my knowledge, I can confidently answer that question with a big ole' "YES!"  Now don't get me wrong, there have been what I call my "human days" where I have simply gone numb to what all God was doing around me and focused only on the tears that dropped out of the pain and deep sadness I was feeling.  BUT, even on those days--those human days--I know deep down inside that God was using them.  Using the raw emotions of a tired Mama to draw me closer to Him.  Nothing is wasted with God.  Nothing is wasted.  Not one day was journeyed in vain in the past 2+ years of this adoption.

Jesus had hard days too when His feet graced the earth.  His best friend died.  His church building was being corrupted.  His closest family and friends denied knowing Him.  He wept too.  However, the Bible doesn't dismiss mentioning the hard times.  God uses the hard times just as much as the highlight reel.  There is something to be gleaned from the most difficult moments.  That has remained True for me in this journey.  God's Presence has been felt intimately on those human days through whispers of reassurance..."It's okay to cry, Angie.  It's okay to weep.  It's okay to zone out, check out, be frustrated, be tired, be "so done with this", be angry...because you are still doing all those things IN MY PRESENCE.  My Spirit, remember, takes all those inward and outward groans that you can't even fully make sense of yourself and turns them into something miraculously beautiful.  He turns them into what My Father hears as the sweet music of a child who is committed to following His Call to completion no matter how hard, how long, how grueling the journey becomes."  In those deeply difficult days, I still had a Father who loved me right where I was at and ushered me into the beautiful right in the middle of the pain.  I gleaned, and because I chose to glean, I experienced His love, grace, joy, and hope in the midst of the battle...in the midst of the wait.  And, just for the record, this same amazing love, grace, joy, and hope from the Lord was also experienced in the moments of HUGE celebration along the road too.  Both the painful and the joyful have something to glean from, and unfortunately, you can miss out on God's glory in both if you are not mindful/heartful towards the gift God is offering.  God's Presence is always there for you to soak in and glean from.

So, yes, I believe I have sucked the holy of each and every moment along this journey as best I could and it has brought me joy unspeakable and a peace that passes my own understanding!  As long and hard as the wait has been, I know without a shadow of doubt that this has been an amazing journey that I was MEANT to be on.  By gleaning all God has for me on each step, I have transformed from who I was into a bit more of the "Angie" God originally made me to be.  By walking each step with Him, I have been able to say I have enjoyed the journey, can end it thankful for what I have experienced (the good, the bad, and the ugly of it), and can encourage others to take the leap of faith and answer the call of adoption themselves.  I can also go into the hands-on part of parenting Nora knowing I have gleaned all that God wanted for me along the waiting journey and will be a much better parent to her because of it.  (Now, to just get this girl home to do that very thing!)  By the world's standards, I could have complained less, been more active, stayed more prayerful, perhaps not have used as many tissues, etc, etc, etc, but between God and me, I have heard deep down in my heart the blessed words "Well done my good and faithful servant.  In you I am well pleased."  I know I am far from perfect, but by sticking this out with the grace of Christ, it has been a remarkable, beautiful, messy, perfectly life-altering experience that I am forever grateful He called me--invited me--to wait through and glean from.

Prayers for TODAY

I know this post is long and it's not something I post about in depth very frequently, but I ask humbly for my friends to take several minutes out of your 24 hour day and read this post.  Please join me in this prayer TODAY.  Thank you in advance for standing in the gap with me.  Please feel free to link this, and/or comment with your own prayers or with any word the Lord has put on your heart in response.  To God be the Glory.

Feeling heavy today.  Not heavy as in weight.  Not heavy as in a depressed mood.  Heavy as in I believe the Lord is up to something GOOD in the Haitian adoption world but is being restricted by the powers of this world.  I believe this because I see so much opposition growing and trying to stand in His way.

I humbly ask that any who desire to, to join me in praying for God's Will to have its full power and authority in the adoptions of Haiti TODAY.  That any schemes of Satan to cause division, corruption, and ultimately endings to adoptions of these beautiful Haitian children be thwarted, stopped, demolished, and conquered.  That those of us who have answered a call to adopt through Haiti would be strengthened in our journeys and even more determined to see His call to us through to completion.  That our trust in His Plan and our faith in His Ability to see it finalized would never be shaken, but only strengthened with each day we wait for our little ones to come home.

And that TODAY an impact so BIG would be seen across Haiti in the realm of adoptions that no one would be able to deny the presence of the Almighty God.  That He would be gloried and honored and loved because of what He can do for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  That children who are already matched to their families would be moved one step closer to their homes TODAY.  That those waiting simply to be matched would be given hope through the faces of others going before them.

That directors, lawyers, or representatives of these children and their families would have direct access to the papers, people, or answers they need to work on our behalf TODAY and move us forward.  That nothing--not weather, not money, not rallies, not roadblocks, not sickness, not time, not lack of gasoline, not traffic, not lies, not pride, not past rules or current rules or future potential rules, not lack of ink, not broken machines, not fraud, not government issues, not agency issues, not orphanage issues, not human issues, not ANYTHING--would be used by Satan to block the path of forward movement in each and every adoption.

That these precious waiting children would be filled with the unexplainable Spirit of the Living God in their hearts TODAY so that they know in the core of their being they are loved, being fought for, and are not forgotten.  That every Mama and Daddy heart would be comforted TODAY with a peace that transcends our own understanding that God is fully at work for us where we can not be.

And that TODAY, we would believe that our prayers--our conversations with the Most High--are cherished, treasured, desired, heard, and will be answered by a God who loves us more dearly than any other ever can.  May all who believe in Christ see Him at work TODAY and be inspired by His Holiness and Faithfulness towards GOOD.  May all who do not believe yet be given eyes that are opened and a heart that is changed because of the work God will do today as Satan is bound and God's Spirit is given full reign in all of the adoptions in Haiti.

Thank you, friends, for praying and standing in the gap with me for something so dear to our family.  We have had a daughter for 2 years among those children in the orphanages across Haiti who needs her God to have full access TODAY on earth as it is in Heaven with no hindrances, no barriers, and no limitations.  We have a daughter who needs her God to have full reign to work His GOOD for her today.  Will you each please pray for Him to have all these things and more TODAY?

Thank You, God, for loving Nora so.  Thank You for loving me so.  Thank You for loving each and every child and family represented on papers in Haiti trying desperately to be united.  Thank You for always being at work for the good of those You love.  Have full reign TODAY, Sweet Jesus, have Your Full Reign in the adoption process in Haiti.  Have Your Full Reign in me.  Amen.

Please, read these Holy Words of Romans 8 and pray them over this situation during your prayer time...

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.  The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.  The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.  Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.  But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness.  And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.  Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope  that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:

'For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.'

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

***Update/Answer to Prayer!!!!!!  September 4, 2013***

Adoption Prayer Update: On August 16th I felt an undeniable urge to pray of the world of adoptions in Haiti and asked you all to join in with me in that prayer. Many of you did...thank you! Although I hadn't heard of any big answer to prayer that day or any direction really as to why God put that on my heart, I simply chalked it up to a reason God had that I just wouldn't understand or know. Just because I didn't know what was happening, didn't mean He wasn't hearing my prayers or that they were not needed that day...I just didn't know why. Low and behold, just yesterday a huge miracle was announced that had happened over the course of the last few weeks in the Haiti adoption world! It was confirmed that a change in the law of requirements to adopt through Haiti has finally been approved and will begin to be implemented in the next several months. This law has been on the table in Haiti's government to be approved for over a decade and has consistently been denied....until this past week. Praise the Lord! The old laws made the requirements to adopt through Haiti one person in the married couple had to be 35 years old, you had to be married 10 years at least, and you were not allowed to have any biological children (singles were allowed to adopt as well, but I'm mainly talking about married couple rules here). Obviously, we didn't meet these requirements but we are still adopting through Haiti. To bypass these requirements, we (and MANY, MANY others) had to get a signature from the President of Haiti (called dispensation) waiving us through. With the new law, there will be no dispensations at all and the new requirements will be one person has to be 30 years old, 5 years of marriage at least, and you are allowed to have biological children. Some of the people who have been waiting for dispensation currently have been on the President's desk for a whole year...others less, others more. Doing away with this step will quicken the pace of adoptions across Haiti by a HUGE margin. Lowering these requirements will also allow SO MANY MORE families to adopt the beautiful children of Haiti into loving homes. I can not say enough how grateful I am to be a witness to this change in the system. God is on the move, friends, and I believe my sense of urgency to pray for the world of adoptions in Haiti was miraculously answered! God is doing amazing things around the world if we open our eyes and hearts towards them and cover them in prayer. Thank you, thank you, thank you for praying! God is hearing your prayers and breaking down literally a decade and more of strongholds. Children are being given a better chance at their dreams of a family. It doesn't get much better than that. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord! Please keep praying! The new laws have to still be signed by the President and printed in a public governmental newspaper/journal to take affect. Also, we personally are still needing prayer for Nora's papers to get out of MOI. We are coming up on week 18 this Friday of being stuck in this department and are beyond ready to exit and move on to passports. We want our baby girl HOME! Thank you everyone!!!

Partly Cloudy

Yesterday was a day when MOI and the other Haitian government offices re-opened after a few day closing to celebrate their Carnival of Flowers.  Our papers have been in MOI now for 13 weeks and we are ready for them to come out.  A little over 3 weeks ago our director said the one spelling correction had been made and it should be soon that she would have the papers in her hands ready to deliver them on to the next department...passports.  However, we also know that "soon" in Haiti can mean anything from a little while longer that day to a month or more down the road.  We also know it has taken others a good month to get their papers out of MOI after corrections have been turned in, so we weren't holding our breaths for it to be a quick turn-around.  Anyway, with the re-opening of MOI yesterday, we had hopes that our director would go and find our paperwork ready for pick up.

Micah and I prayed for God to miraculously make it so, knowing that a miracle would about be what needed to happen.  I woke up yesterday excited to see what all God was going to do and expectant of seeing goodness prevail.  I never heard a thing throughout the day, but didn't think anything of it because much of our director's days are completely filled with running around making things happen.  Then came evening and still nothing.  Around 9 p.m. a beautiful post came across my facebook homepage...a dear friend and fellow ROH adoptive Mama had gotten her email from our director--their second child's papers were out of MOI.  My heart leapt with joy for her and with hopes for an email to be in my inbox.  I checked and...still nothing.  I had tears of joy anyway for my friend and still a glimmer of hope that if our director had just emailed her then maybe ours will still be coming.  Then another beautiful post came across my facebook feed...another friend and fellow ROH adoptive Mama had also gotten her email...their paperwork was also out of MOI.  Oh did the tears stream down my cheeks for them.  They have been waiting so very long to bring their son home.  One step closer for them.  So, so, so happy.  Then in a matter of 5 more minutes, two more adoptive Mamas from a different orphanage spread the news on facebook of their papers also being out of MOI.  Oh my word!  I was so excited for all of them and yet...well, still staring at my own empty inbox.  So, so happy for them and yet so sad and deflated for ourselves.

The mix bag of emotions...so thrilled and overjoyed for our friends and yet so heartbroken for ourselves.  Happy and sad all at the same time.  I told Micah through my tears just before going to bed that I'm just tired of living these moments.  So tired of feeling like I have to be both happy and sad at the same time.  His reply was simple...don't.  Stop trying to feel both at once.  Be completely happy for them and then change and be completely sad for ourselves.  Don't try to experience them both at the same time.  That's probably good advice.  Grieve hard and joy like there is no tomorrow.  So, last night I cried myself to sleep as my man prayed for us both...my tears were the only prayers I could muster.  It was just one of those nights.

Through the night I had a dream.  A weird dream (although Micah says all my dreams are weird).  I was waiting in a waiting room to see a doctor about a sore throat, but all these people just kept coming in and getting to go see the doctor while I just continued to wait.  I didn't know why on earth I wasn't being called to go back.  I went up to the receptionist again and she said I'd have to see a different doctor at this point and to go back and sit down and just wait for them to call me.  So I did...all day long.  I remember looking at the clock and it was 4:15 p.m. and I knew the doctor's office closed at 4 p.m.  I couldn't believe it--they forgot me.  I went back up to the window and the receptionist didn't know why on earth they had somehow missed me.  So she walked back to the doctor and told her I was still waiting.  Finally!  She came to greet me in the lobby area and instead of taking me back to see my sore throat she asked if she could show me a book in the lobby.  What?  Before I could even answer her, she sat down with this coffee table style book of different famous paintings.  She began to tell me about the paintings, which ones were her favorite, and why.  I was getting annoyed by this point and was trying to be courteous, but yet also wanted her to know this was not why I was here.  Then she gently grabbed my hand and had me point to a particular painting of a woman kneeling by a lake.  It was painted in an impressionist's style of painting, very broad with not much details.  For example, the woman didn't have a face and the water line she was sitting at was very blurry.  As she had me point to this woman, she said these words to me, "Do you see this painting of this woman?  Isn't it beautiful?"  I agreed it was a pretty painting.  Then she added, "I think this is the most lovely because even though we don't see all the details of the scene or the details of the woman, we still find it beautiful."  And with that I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock telling me it was time to go for my morning walk.

I took off on my walk, listening to my "Adoption playlist" music and mulled over the dream, the no-news for us the night before, the celebrations of my friends, the way my eyes were still hurting from the tears and I just couldn't make sense of it all.  I prayed for God to just get me out of this funk.  I prayed for either the grief to be full-blown like Micah had talked about so I could just move on or for the joy of all He has given to me and to others to just blot out the disappointment.  It didn't happen.  I just walked on in silent mixed-emotions.  Towards the end of my walk I was nearing home and the sun began to peek out of the foggy, cloudy sky.  It was pretty for the moment it was there and then it vanished again behind the gray.  The thought popped into my head like any normal thought, "It's going to be a partly cloudy day today."  With that, the Lord instantly spoke to my heart...

"Yep, Angie, partly cloudy.  It's a pretty normal type of day weather-wise, nothing is wrong with partly cloudy.  Some days are sunny, some days are cloudy, some are partly sunny and some are partly cloudy.  Today, it's okay for yours to be partly cloudy.  Think of it like this: some days are full of joy and wonderful things (sunny), some days are full of sadness and disappointment (cloudy), some days have a little of both but the joy is more prominent (partly sunny) and some days are a little of both with the sadness being more prominent (partly cloudy).  Today, even though you wish it was all the way sunny or even all the way cloudy, I'm giving you partly cloudy.  It's a mix, and it's still good, because it's still something I've created.  Remember, though, it's PARTLY cloudy and although you didn't get the news you were hoping for that would make today full sun, I'm still capable of sending some bits of sunlight that will pierce through the clouds."

Can I just say I love it when the Lord speaks.  When I just take those moments to reflect and think and be open to all He has to tell me.  With that in mind, I began to think about my dream again.  Those words the doctor had spoken to me in my agitated moments of having waited and waited and waited all day long to see her...what were they again?  "I think this is the most lovely because even though we don't see all the details of the scene or the details of the woman, we still find it beautiful."  Yes.  Yes, this was not just a random, weird dream.  It was sunlight for me to see on a partly cloudy day.  Even though I don't know all the details of this adoption nor can even understand all of the emotions I experience along the way or what all God is doing behind the curtain I can't see through, it is still a beautiful thing...a beautiful work of art created by God Himself for others to see and find beautiful.  The beauty isn't in all the details, but in the broader picture itself.  That was a peek of sunlight through the clouds I thanked God for on my way into my house.

And just when you think the "lesson" is learned or the story of the day is done, God sends another unexpected ray of Sonshine.  I grabbed myself a bowl of cereal once inside from my walk and sat down at the computer like I normally do to check my email and facebook while I eat.  I opened my inbox to find the most beautiful email from Mary, the physical therapist working at ROH for 6 months.  Included in this email were 10 amazing photos of our little one with this blessed message for us to read...

"I took some time with Nora and gave her all the pictures and the drawings. Just look at her face! She is so intrigued! I DID NOT POSE HER FOR THESE! She sat with the items you sent for almost 20 minutes without moving---she just sat and looked, and sorted through each page Angie. It was so beautiful...it almost made me cry. Then, I thought, "self, what are you going to do with these things so they don't get torn up amongst everyone??" Then, God totally laid it on my heart to....hang everything above her bed! I have attached a picture...I hung all of her stuff above her bed---so she has a safe spot where she can continue to imprint your faces upon her heart and mind."

 

  

Oh, my heart.  What a ray of Sonshine for my day.  It actually might have turned my partly cloudy day into a partly sunny one.  And that, my friends, is my God.  He is not just a God who gives us good things...He is a God who loves us deeply and will do anything He can to show us that love.

And for one other little ray of sunniness for the day...look at that last photo.  Do you notice the flower stem painted on the wall right beside Nora's bed?  Well, guess what?  Last week I was hard at work re-painting Lily and Nora's room and getting it all set up for Nora to join us.  Lily and I worked together to figure out what all to paint on the walls and we decided on flowers with some butterflies and ladybugs.  So, I painted it all, had Micah get the crib put together, pulled out all the clothes we have been given for Nora and filled her dresser with them.  I am always trying to think of how to make Nora's transition from life at the orphanage to life at our home better/easier for her, but God did this one for us without us even knowing.  Look at what I painted right at the side of Nora's crib...flowers, like she has in Haiti.

Thank You, God, for Your rays of light and goodness even when we see a lot of clouds from our side of things.  Thank You for making this life beautiful even when I don't know all the details.  Thank You for always being present with me in life--on walks, in dreams, and while I'm checking my email.  I know and trust that soon You will have another email sent my way that will definitely give me a fully sunny day!

This Gift

"A gift opens the way
    and ushers the giver into the presence of the great."

~Proverbs 18:16

I've been struck lately by so many things that seem to be gifts to me.  Gifts God has blessed me with.  Three in particular right now I wanted to briefly share with you.

1. The gift of God's Presence.  The month of May was really hard for me.  I was so focused on the frustrations of the process of adoption I was forgetting to be blessed during the process.  Out of much pain I chose to do some things God was encouraging me begging me to do in order to follow Him and receive the gift He had for me.  Let me be clear that following God in that moment was the last thing I really wanted to do because I knew it meant sacrificing some very precious things personally--sacrificing what I had deemed "right".  However, I wanted to follow Him because I have grown so incredibly much in my faith and trust in who God is and knew He would help me do what He was asking of me.  After the pain of the sacrifice wore off a bit, I found myself in the Presence of God's grace, mercy, love, peace, and joy once again.  Not just the way I had been in the past, but in an even more illuminated way.  I can not describe the amount of peace and joy I have in my heart right now.  Following Him, even when it hurts to the 100th degree, truly is a gift if you are willing to go through the pain of the sacrifice to gain the Presence of the Lord like you have never experienced before.  A priceless gift indeed.

2. The gift of God's "best".  One thing I've struggled with along this journey is not really knowing about Nora's day-to-day life and developing personality.  It is hard to know others get to experience her every day while I wait to know anything of significance.  Our director is an amazing woman who cares deeply for these children.  She and the nannies meet their needs the absolute best they can and their efforts are helping to make Nora an extremely well-adjusted little lady.  I'm so blessed by their care for her.  The "down-side" (if I have to call it something) to the amazing care Nora receives is that it there is not much time for emailing us and letting us know what all is happening with our sweet little girl.  When our director is not hands-on with the children, she is busy, busy, busy working on the process of paperwork for all the families.  She just doesn't have spare moments to gush out news for us.  As much as I understand this, it doesn't mean this hasn't still been hard to accept.  Being independent in our adoption (without an agency rep to fill us in regularly on Nora), we just miss out on regular doses of information.

One of the things God was asking of me recently was to give up the hope that our director would finally find a moment to spare and tell us about Nora.  He was specifically asking me to allow her to do what she does best--be the orphanage director, not what I was still wishing for--her to also be the "agency rep" for us.  Allowing her to focus more on what I know she is amazing at, frees me from expecting too much from her.  Instead, God also asked me to write down any questions I would normally want to ask of our director, and ask them instead of Him.  I had no idea how, but I felt He was reassuring me that somehow, in His way, He would answer those questions or give me a peace that would have never come before.  This was HARD for me to do!  However, friends, God is so amazing and has done just as He said He would!  He has certainly given me peace and even answers to my questions in such a unique and unexpected way.  He is so cool!  Recently the orphanage was blessed by the presence of an American pediatric physical therapist named Mary for 6 months.  While reading through her website and blog about her time in Haiti, I was able to find a way to contact her personally.  I wanted to thank her for serving Nora and the rest of the crew there and tell her we value her expertise she was willing to extend to these precious kids.  In response, she has been able to give us the most detailed report to date on what Nora is like and her day consists of.  It was a priceless gift.  God used this precious woman to answer my questions.  Not only that, but He used her to pass along beautiful photos of our baby girl and a video as well, which we have not yet figured out how to play, but just knowing she sent it was a gift in and of itself.  I'm so in love with the Lord--when I place my trust in Him, He not only delivers what I hoped for, He goes so far beyond my wildest imagination and gifts me with His "best" instead.  Oh how humbly I accept His love for me.

3.  The gift of Nora.  How can I not be thankful for the gift she is already in my life?  Just look at these precious photos of her.  Her inner beauty radiates out of those eyes and gifts anyone who sees her.

As I have released so much of my frustrations to the Lord, the joy of receiving the gift of Nora has returned 10 fold.  I have been able to focus on how excited I am for her to enter our family.  To dream about the ways she is going to enhance our home and family in ways I can only imagine.  To thank God for the gift she is already and will continue to be to my life.  I am beyond ready to hold her daily, show her love, guide her in knowing more of the Lord, and watch her grow and blossom into what God has created her to be.  Nora is such a gift to me and I thank God for her every day.

The other night, Micah and I were watching the movie "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" and the song during the credits captured my heart.  I knew instantly it was the song of Nora's homecoming for me.  It is the song that will guide me through these last few months until she is in my arms.  And wouldn't you know, God has used a song that is literally entitled "This Gift".  Really, things like this should not surprise me at this point in my relationship with Him, but still...how amazing is that!  I'll let you take a listen and be blessed as well as we go through these last several months together...

So, as far as the process, if you haven't heard the news yet, our papers in MOI had just one tiny little spelling error in Nora's birth mom's name, so that has been sent back for correction and hopefully soon we will be moving on to passports.  At this point in the process we know "soon" needs to be held loosely.  It could easily still be another month before leaving MOI, which is all the more reason to pray for those papers to move as fast as God can make them.  Passports should just take a week or so at most and then we will move forward to the US side of the adoption process.  The US Embassy will issue Nora a visa and this has been taking approximately 4-8 weeks recently.  Our newest extension deadline for our visa approval is October 4th.  When I told our director that date she seemed to think we would not need another extension for it because Nora should be home before then.  Our hopes and prayers are focused on getting her home before September 30th, her 2nd birthday.  We want desperately to celebrate that birthday together as a family and we also (selfishly) want to get her home before she turns 2 because we would not have to pay for her flight if we can do that.  The financial strain is potentially coming with the extended time this adoption has taken beyond what we originally thought it would take.  Saving any money in the end would also be a gift!  So, please join us in praying for this spelling correction to be taken care of quickly and for everything else along the road to go smoothly so we can be welcoming Nora into our country, home, and arms before the end of September!  As always, we cherish your prayers and support along the road.

"A gift opens the way
    and ushers the giver into the presence of the great."

~Proverbs 18:16

Practicing Joy

We are just over 700 days into our adoption process.  That is 1 year, 11 months, 1 week, and 6 days to be exact.  Just over 700 days.  Some days that number seems really high.  In a way, the time has moved quickly.  More days than that, however, it feels just the opposite--like that 700 really is at least 1000 years because the time is moving slowly.

I read a familiar Scripture, 2 Peter 3:8, yesterday: "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends; With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."  I made note that on the days when it feels like time is dragging on and a thousand years have passed in 24 hours, the Lord understands my pain and is there WITH me.  The verse above says so.  "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years..."  He is with me on those hard days that feel indescribably long.  And when the days are passing quickly, I also found great comfort in the fact that God is with me on those days too.  When this process is said and done and Nora is eating breakfast at our table and saying prayers with us at night, these 700+ days will feel like less than a day in the grand scheme of things.  That concept truly does help my brain simmer down on how much I am missing out on as the days count onward.

So at just after 700 days, where are we at in the process?  How close are we to bringing Nora home?  Those are the questions I get asked most often.  Although I don't have all of the answers, here is the best I've got...

We are in our 7th week in the department called MOI (Ministry of Interior).  Our original projected time line puts this part of the process at 3-6 months.  Just before we got into MOI, the typical time frames were running 4-6 weeks if there were no errors in the paperwork, but if there were errors, we should be prepared to sit there for quite some time.  All of the others ahead of us in our orphanage have unfortunately run into issues in MOI and have definitely been in for 3-6 months now.  I'm heartbroken for them as I want their children home just like I want Nora home.  It's hard for my brain to comprehend why this last check over all of the materials would take so long if they had made it through all the other departments fine, but to put it into a bit more perspective, there are supposedly around 2000 files in MOI to be processed right now.  On top of that, the building MOI is located in just went through a remodeling project and shut down for the reconstruction.  (Can you even imagine if one of our US governmental offices just simply shut down while it was being remodeled???  What a concept.)  It helps to face the realities of the timeline when you have some sort of facts to cling to.  Anyway, we currently have no clue if our papers have any errors or not so we just don't know how long it will take us to get through MOI.  That has been very frustrating to me, and as much as I want an answer to that question, I know I will not get it for now.  Many people would say this is a chance to practice patience.  That typically brings a quick eye-roll from this Mama.  Um, no, I've had a little over 700 days to practice patience...I think I have that one down at this point, thank you very much.  But what it does give me is an opportunity to practice something different...to practice joy.

Take note, like I had to, that joy is not happiness.  Happiness is conditional, elusive to some, caught by many and then dropped by everyone as soon as something comes along that steals it away.  If your day is going well, you are happy.  If it is not going well, you are not so happy.  It's not something that is constant despite the situation you find yourself in.  Joy, however, goes beyond the beginnings and ends of each situation.  Joy can be held captive within your soul and heart when the next "bad" thing comes along trying to steal it away.  Joy is a gift of the Spirit.  A gift that is given by a Holy God because He loves us.  It is ours for the keeping!  It is a gift that unfortunately has been getting buried a bit this far into the adoption journey and lately I've realized the need to pull it out to the surface again.

This journey has been weary for me, there is no getting around that.  It has taken me to depths I have never gone before and taught me such amazingly wonderful things about God, myself, and others I had never learned before.  It has had moments of gut-wrenching pain and mountain-top elation.  It has drawn our family closer together and caused a fierce love to grow for a certain little lady we are blessed to adding to our family.  It has brought out the uglies in me and it has given me opportunities to share the love of Christ with others.  It has brought deep sorrow for so many different reasons and it has had many happy times as well.  Through it all, joy has always been there--sometimes deep underneath and sometimes at the surface, but it has been there.  Lately, it has been deep underneath.  I have allowed the frustrations and heartache of the wait and unanswered questions to push it deeper and deeper underneath my bitterness and child-like "it's not fair" pouting fits.

A few weeks back, however, after some great time in the Word and talking with Micah, I realized I was allowing the end of this adoption to be shaded with negativity instead of joy.  I was allowing the beauty of adoption and the excitement of the fact we have been chosen to add this amazing little girl into our family to be lost in the negatives.  Even when it feels like a 1000 year type of day, our time of waiting is drawing closer and closer to an end and instead of getting more and more excited for Nora's arrival, I have been focused on the frustrations of the moment instead.  It's almost like the end of a pregnancy when the mom-to-be has swollen feet, can hardly move her front-heavy body around, and is overwhelmed with her pre-labor emotions.  Is she thinking about the excitement and joy of the miracle of life that is just around her corner?  Not really.  In all honesty, she's thinking about how to get her body off the couch one more blasted time to get to the bathroom before she pees her pants...again.  (Am I right, moms out there???)  It is HARD for that precious mom-to-be to focus on the blessing inside of her body that is about to make his or her appearance.  It is hard for her to take her mind off the circumstances surrounding her and focus more on the joy of the role God has given her to bring life into this world.  So it is with this adoption--it is hard to choose the joy and excitement of what is happening--the final moments getting in line before the miracle moment--over the realities of what my current situation is--tired of being "pregnant" for over 700 days.

However, since that realization a few weeks back, I have seen the freedom and blessing in choosing to practice joy.  I say "practice" because I have to admit, it is still not a the point of coming completely natural.  I still have to consciously think about choosing joy.  I have to make myself choose joy each day (or several times a day).  I have to practice because I'm pretty out of shape using it.  When I do it, though, it is liberating to my soul.  Joy, friends, is the blessing of feeling in control of myself again and making the decisions the Lord has always meant for me to make.  I no longer allow the situations and circumstances of my day to determine if my joy is unleashed or not.  Joy is a gift the Lord has given to me and it is MY choice to have it, not my circumstances choice.  Because I have decided to say YES to joy--YES to including this gift God has given me into my day--I have found myself so much more focused on the excitement of the coming events than ever before.  Nora is coming home, friends!  I have MUCH joy because of this fact.  I refuse to let the unknowns of that date and time steal away the joy God has given me to experience even in the wait.  Today, I choose to practice joy and regain the gift He has given to me.  The more I do it, the more peace comes and replaces the frustrations of a weary brain, the more love comes and replaces bitterness with people I have never met who handle our paperwork, the more hope comes and replaces the feelings that this will never end.  This joy, when found in my heart, is extended to others too, and the more joy is shared with the world.

The Lord gave me a Word that has spoken Truth and Blessing over my weary body.  It is found in Hosea 2:14-15: "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.  There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt."  See, friends, even though I feel like I'm indeed trekking through a desert these days, I can rest knowing that God is the One who has led me here because He is longing to speak tenderly to me.  There is no better place to do so than where I am most needy--a desert place.  Because I have followed Him to this desert place, I am promised such treasures--I am promised by the Lord to have tender words spoken over me, my vineyards (my fruit of the Spirit) restored (which includes my JOY), and I will be given hope again.  I will sing again as I did when I first found my freedom and I'm so excited for that!

So even after 700+ days of wandering around in the desert with the Lord, I have the ability, the privilege, the choice given to me by Him to have joy, to experience joy, to practice joy until it comes naturally.  I am grateful for the desert place I'm in with the Lord and the joy I am finding there.  Practicing leads to perfecting.  Not that I'll ever get my joy perfected before entering the gates of Heaven, but the more I do it, the better I'll be.  This concept reminds me of a little song on my Bullfrogs and Butterflies tape I listened to as a child...perhaps this is the "song of my youth" from that passage in Hosea God wanted me to start singing again...

One of the ways to I've found helpful in practicing joy is reading Scripture that points me in the right direction.  Here are a several for you to use if you, too, are needing that boost of encouragement today...

• "The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." ~Psalm 19:8
  

• "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." ~Psalm 28:7
  

• "Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you." ~Psalm 86:4
  

• '"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." ~Psalm 94:19

• "If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." ~John 15:10-12

• "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." ~John 16:21-22
  

• "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." ~Romans 12:12
  

• "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ~Romans 15:13

• "Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." ~Philippians 2:1-3

I pray blessings of joy over myself and each of you today no matter where God has you in your own life.  Whether you are in a desert place or a mountain top high, joy is a gift within you--I pray you chose to experience it today...the freedom it brings is priceless!

Sometimes Mothers Don't Know Best...Lessons from a 7 Year Old's Birthday

I've been mulling over the content of this post for several weeks now.  The more I chew on it, the more it speaks to my heart of hearts and the more my heart of hearts smiles.  I smile not because of something I have done, but because of the work of the Lord in my daughter's heart and even my own.  He certainly loves us all and calls us all to be missionaries of His love to others...even 7 year olds.

Let me take you back several weeks with me.  The scene would be my almost 7 year old daughter sitting on a couch asking me when we are going to send out her birthday party invitations.  Birthday invitations, yep, almost forgot those.  In all the planning of when the party will be scheduled, what the theme will be, what decorations we'll use, what the cake will be decorated as and how many people we will invite, we somehow missed also figuring out WHO we will invite and actually getting the invitations in the mail.  Oh the woes of birthday party planning...there is so much to do.  However, we did have to get those invitations out because the party was just a few weeks away and the rest would be pointless if there were not people there to enjoy it all.  So, with that background, the work of the Lord began.

I told Lily to get a piece of paper and write down the names of the girls she wanted to invite to her party.  We previously agreed to invite only 6 girls this year because, with her included, that would make 7 girls total and she was turning 7 years old--seemed fitting.  (Last year we had 13 girls and it was...well...a tad overwhelming).  So, with pencil and paper in hand, Lily made her list.  When she handed it to me, I was surprised to see names of young girls I had never heard of before instead of the familiar names of the ones we've seen grow up beside our daughter over the past 7 years.  Where were the names of her closest friends?

Instantly, I began to derail the work of the Lord.  "Um, Lil, I don't even know these girls.  Who are they?  Why didn't you put your best friends on the list?"

Looking at me like she had never even thought of that notion, Lily answered, "Well, these are some of the people I know from school and the bus, Mom.  I wanted to invite them to my party."

Still oblivious to my undermining, I said, "Well, that's sweet of you, Honey, but since you can only invite 6 girls, don't you want those to be your closest friends?  Don't you think your friends will be sad if they are not invited to your party while other people you don't know very well were?"

"But, Mom," Lily pleaded, "these girls haven't ever been to my house yet and I thought it would be fun to have them come to my party so I could show them where we live and my room and toys and stuff."

To which, in my not-so-glamorous moment, I replied, "Well, I understand that you want to have other girls over but let's do that some other time this summer and invite your closest friends to your birthday party instead, okay?  That way you get to celebrate with your friends!"

With a roll of the eyes and a "Yes, Mom," Lily began erasing well-meaning names off her list and replacing them with her "closer" friends just like her mother told her to do.  (Insert hind-sight shutter).

Mind you, I had no guilt over my decision to have Lily change her invitation list.  No reservation that I had perhaps not made the right choice.  No further thoughts that made me question if my motherly advise was good or not.  I mean, come on, this is what parties are like, right?  A place of celebration where our closest friends surround us and cheer us on.  A place where you are the highlighted person amongst your peers or co-workers or family members for a short time because of an accomplishment of some sort--like turning another year older.  For young girls, a birthday party is a place where you get to open presents, eat cake, and laugh the hours away with all of your friends.  It's not a time or place where you actually do Kingdom work...is it?  Well, I believe God has a differing opinion than I did.

The very next morning, forgetting the events with my daughter the evening before, I opened up my Good Morning Girls Bible study reading to a passage in Luke 14.  That's when everything started to unravel and God got my attention.  If there is any question on whether the Bible still applies today, this is an example of how I could answer that with a profound "YES!"  The active and applicable Word of God is what opened my eyes to the Truth.  Read with me...

Luke 14:12-14
"Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,  and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

Ouch...a good ouch. Instantaneously, I had complete conviction over my oh-so-wise mothering decisions the evening before.  How could I be so blind to the way I was misguiding my precious daughter away from her innocent and tender way of being a follower of Christ's ways?  How could I be so gullible to following the ways of this world...the ways of adults...the ways of conditioned people who think selfishly of who they WANT to be around for a few hours instead of who they SHOULD be around for a few hours.  How did I miss the holiness of my daughter's choice of guests?  I was so grateful for the wake up call.  So grateful for God's Word.  So grateful He didn't leave me in my shallowness, but drew me into a deeper knowledge of His ways and His desires.  I knew I needed to have a talk with Lily when she got off the bus that afternoon and was so excited to express my sincere apologies and seek forgiveness from her.

After Lily bounded off the bus, I sat down on the couch with her and told her I needed to show her what I read in the Bible that morning.  We read the passage together and I apologized for not following what Christ had taught there.  I also thanked her for her heart's desire to reach out to those who had never had the chance to come to our house or be invited to one of her special parties.  I made sure she knew she was very, very right in her train of thought and that her heart was so very good.  I told her, in the end, it really didn't matter who she invited to the party--whether it was some of her closer friends and family or girls she had never invited over before.  What was important was following the whispers Christ had put into her heart and not allowing others (even her very own mother) stand in the way of that.  I gave her the paper back and told her to please invite whomever she wanted to invite, and that if there were new friends on that list, I would be excited to get to know them better.

So, she did rewrite the list...back to the original almost and I couldn't have been more elated.  A 7 year old missionary of Christ's love.  Yep, that is what I have growing up in my presence.  A 7 year old who has a heart that beats to the drum of the Lord.  A 7 year old who is willing to sacrifice sharing cake with her "besties" in order to bring others into her home who haven't had that chance yet.  A 7 year old who is more focused on others feeling included and loved than on what others will think of her decisions.  A 7 year old who I am so very blessed to have as my daughter.  A 7 year old who just schooled her mom on how to live like Jesus.

I'm thanking the Lord for her today.  Thanking the Lord for using her and His Word to teach me, once again, that even though I'm the mother, sometimes mothers don't always know what's best.

P.S.  She had a fun, crazy loud party with other precious young girls whom we were blessed to get to know a little better.  Praise the Lord!