Women of Honor

On January 3rd I was blessed with the news that one of my sisters had her baby girl!
Adella Elizabeth Kauffman was born to Brad and Steph Kauffman and big brothers, Caleb, Kaden, and Jacob. No, Steph is not my biological sister or even my sister-in-law, but she is certainly my sister nonetheless. To me, this was not just an ordinary birth...it was the birth of another woman of honor.

As I've said before on this blog, names and their meanings are really important to me/us. We believe the meanings behind our children's names are specifically given to them through us, but on the behalf of God. It says in Scripture that God knows each of us by name and I'm a firm believer that those names we thought WE came up with for our kids were really thought up by God Himself as part of His plan for their life. Lily means "purity" and that has huge importance to us as parents who wants nothing more than for her to keep herself pure in her heart, her life, and her love. Tobias means "God is good" and we often found ourselves already saying that line while we held our week and a 1/2 old baby after heart surgery saved his life. There is no doubt God will prove Himself good in Toby's life over and over and over again. Quinn means "wise" and we are excited to see what God makes Quinn wise about beyond how to charm his way out of being in trouble, which is what he does quite well with right now! : ) Nora means two very important things as well..."a light" and "a woman of honor". I strongly heard God saying in my early prayer time of preparing for adoption that our little daughter--whoever she was--was going to be a light in the darkness, which is why we began looking at names that meant "light". It is not coincidence, however, that Nora also means "woman of honor"...clearly God was/is at work on this one as well!

Let me back up to help you understand why this second meaning is so rich. Much of 2010-2011 were years where I was finding all kinds of freedom in my life and heart (and I continue to, thankfully!). God was revealing to me how much He wanted me to be who HE created me to be...not who I had been thinking I was. *Pause* I want to make sure all readers know loud and clear that I have been a Christ-follower for many years now, but still needed to find freedom and abundant life as God intends! Just because you are a Christian, doesn't mean you aren't still living in bondage. *End Pause* The stories I could tell of God's moving in my heart are amazing and I wish I could tell them all here, but I just don't have room. I was reading tremendous books (especially So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore), listening to music (oh my, I have a whole play list of music having to do with this subject but I would first direct anyone towards Jason Gray's two songs, I Am New and Remind Me Who I Am), listening to sermons (most life-changing was Jay Shetler's two sermon series entitled Where Is God When Life Hurts? (part 1) and Reclaiming Your God-given Identity (part 2). They can be listened to here: http://sermoncloud.monkserve.com/EKK/150/mcch20101114.mp3 and http://sermoncloud.monkserve.com/EKK/150/mcch20101121.mp3, and just doing a whole lot of praying and listening to God! If you have the time and want to, I spoke at our church this past Mother's Day about all of the freedom God had given me. You can listen to that talk here: http://sermoncloud.monkserve.com/EKK/150/mcch20110508.mp3 (it's a tape of the whole church service so forward about 1/2 way through until you hear Jay beginning his sermon and then I share a bit into that part)

Anyway, all of this change brought me to a place where I was wanting to be affirmed/confirmed in all the healing I thought I was getting and decided to participate in a unique and life-changing weekend experience in Colorado called Women's Walk With Christ. On their website (www.womenswalkwithchrist.org) they claim this is NOT a retreat, but an intense weekend experience where women can walk in with their wounds of deceit, fear, shame, anger, and sadness and walk out with discovery, clarity, healing, and restoration. (If you have ever heard of Marked Men For Christ, this is the women's equivalent to that weekend). That weekend was nothing short of what they promised. God showed up in BIG ways for me and for all of us women brave enough and willing enough to go deep within ourselves to our brokenness and allow God to shed His light and love in those areas. I am a different woman because of the Holy Spirit's work on that weekend and I can't say enough about it. I feel it's a weekend experience that EVERY woman should experience, but only if they are ready and willing to let God into those very private areas of their heart. It was well worth every stinkin' penny it took to get there! : )

One of the other tremendous parts of that weekend went beyond the freedom I found in myself. I didn't go on that weekend alone...two of my sisters in Christ came with me--Sharon Yoder and Steph Kauffman. I love these two women dearly and we experienced something together on that weekend that will keep us bonded for life. We all experienced such healing together. In a way, we became "women of honor" together, I think, with a mission to see other women--both young and old alike-find this freedom and healing.

After that weekend, Micah and I continued to explore more seriously this idea of adoption and felt like we were both in such tremendously better places for taking on another little being into our family. (Micah had gone through the Marked Men retreat too just after returning from Haiti in 2010). Brad and Steph decided adoption wasn't the way to expand their family of 3 boys, but instead, announced they were pregnant after our return from Colorado! Micah and I knew deep down from the very beginning of their pregnancy this would be a girl. Brad (who went through Marked Men as well) and Steph had gone through such healing and change (just like us) that this little one just couldn't be what was their "norm" of having boys...it had to be a symbol of the change they had experienced. Brad and Steph, however, were convinced to their cores this was another boy. When we got the news that it was indeed a beautiful little girl named Adella we beamed with happiness for them!

I immediately looked up the meaning of Adella and found it to be none other than "noble and honorable". Go figure....well, no, Go God! I sat with tears streaming down my face as I thanked God for the opportunity to find freedom with these sisters and after doing so, having Him lead Steph and I to have little girls of our own in completely different ways only 3 months apart from one another with both of their names meaning "honor". What a testimony to God's intricately woven story through our lives and into the generations following us. He is not a God of chance...He is a God of perfect planning. So here we are...two healed women holding our little women of honor. For the next year or so, these little girls will be brought up in two completely different countries with completely different experiences, but it is our hope that eventually they will find themselves in the same kind of friendship and sisterhood that their mamas share...won't that be a day of rejoicing!
And on a side note...some of you may be wondering where we are at in this process of adoption. Well, we have been told that Nora's paperwork has been completed and is currently with the attorney getting legalized. Once it is all legalized it will be matched with our dossier and entered into IBESR (the Haitian Social Services) We were told this SHOULD be happening within the next week-two weeks. As soon as our paperwork enters IBESR and we get our "number" in the system then our 1-2 year wait begins. So, yes, even though we are now over 6 months into our own end of the process, we haven't even started the 1-2 year wait just yet. We are SOOOO ready to get that email! A few days ago I was blessed with some new photos of our little Nora...she is growing well! We hadn't seen her beautiful face for a month so it was a surprise we thoroughly enjoyed. Here they are for you to enjoy as well...

(Nora is now just over 3 months old)

Welcome to Over the Brim

My first blog post. Hmmm...let me just drink in this moment. (Long pause) Okay, here we go...

My husband, Micah, says I've really always been a blogger, I just haven't published them. He's right. I have a constant blog running in my head throughout every day. By being a stay-at-home mom of three young kiddos (ages 5, 3 1/2, and almost 2), I don't really have much of an outlet for those thoughts. I typically journal those out to the Lord here and there (which I love) and spew a bit to Micah when he gets home from work, but I had yet to enter the blogging world. I'm not sure why except that it seemed like something that would take too long. You see, I'm addicted to facebook. I tell anyone I meet it is my little window to the world outside of my home during the day. If you are a stay-at-home mom you'll probably understand that "trapped" feeling we sometimes feel--facebook allows me to "get out" without really getting out. However, there are things about facebook I wish were different. I wish my one sentence posts could sometimes be a paragraph instead. I wish you could hear my thoughts and feelings behind my posts, which are sometimes hard to explain in a simple, short line. So, I have found myself at a place where leaving those longer thoughts somewhere seems refreshing. Those who want to "go there" with me can do that on this blog. Those who would rather just know me by short phrases can easily still meet with me daily on facebook! : ) Micah also says someday I'll write a book. Maybe he's right, but for now that seems too foreign and a bit scary to me, so I'll just jump onto the blogging wagon first.

So, why "Over the Brim" you may ask. Well, after about a year of brokenness, emptiness, frustration, humility, searching, and crying out to the Lord, I found freedom. This freedom is not something I take lightly. It is life-changing...life-giving. This is not the freedom I found when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior-- I did that the summer after my 6th grade year at a church camp. This new-found freedom is something different...something deeper. This is freedom that makes me live life TO THE FULL as Christ has offered in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." It's not a freedom that makes me a perfect person. It's not a freedom that makes me better than anyone else. It's a freedom that makes me OKAY that I'm not perfect and frees me from the incessant need to be perfect. It's a freedom that makes me know I'm not alone in this world and that many of us go through the same things, struggle with the same issues, and can find the same joys through our commonality of having a loving God as our Father. It's a freedom that allows me to see myself as the esteemed woman God has made me to be instead of the stupid girl I tended to view myself as.

This freedom has filled my heart, my head, my life, my "cup" to the brim with miraculous love, joy, peace, and energy. I am so full of these amazing God-given qualities that I can't help but allow them to overflow into my relationships and life. They may not look like what you want them to look like--or even what I want them to look like sometimes--but they are real and I try to work out of them. It's a conscious decision I have to make--will I live and act out of my humanness or out of the freedom I have found in Christ? The Message's translation of Psalm 33:20 reflects my heart to a T, "We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got— that's what we're depending on."

I have a whole new level of compassion for others...especially women, with this freedom. It is my hope and prayer I can even use this blog to touch others and encourage them to find this freedom for themselves. I want the freedom I have found to go "Over the Brim" of my own cup and spill into others. So, will you join me here? Will you allow yourself to go deeper with me? I promise you won't regret it. I promise the same God who met me in those low areas, those dark corners, those secret places, WILL meet you and bring you to the freedom you so desperately long for...if you go with Him. I hope you will allow my words here--my overflow of my brim-- to encourage you along the way. Blessings, friends, as we start this journey together.