"We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got— that's what we're depending on." -Psalm 33:20 (The Message)
I notice as I log on here that my last post was clear back at the beginning of May. This actually does not surprise me one bit. May is a crazy month for our family and this year was no exception! Here are some words and photos to show off our month...
We started the month off with a trip to the zoo for Lily and Micah (with her class)...
Ready to head to the zoo
You can barely see it, but Lily is feeding the giraffe (in the gray shirt)
Then an adoption fundraiser jewelry party which had low attendance, but we still managed to make sales in oustide guests and were blessed with enough money to pay for another month of Nora's care--praise God! A special thank you to my dear friend, Abbe, for her willingness to help in this way.
Next on the calendar was Mother's Day and then Toby's preschool spring program. Toby was adamant he was not going to get up on the stage, but when it came down to it, he not only got on the stage, he even said a line all by himself in one of the songs! Such a proud Mama moment!
Firefighter Toby!
Flower being rained on
Toby with his teacher, Miss Jane, whom we love!
We moved forward to Lily's school music program where she was a very cute explorer. She had a lot of fun singing the songs and making some music with her classmates.
Explorer Lily
Our family getting eaten alive by mosquitoes after Lily's program
Throughout April and the beginning of this month, I worked on a watercolor painting for my brother-in-law, Jerry. He was wanting it done for the camp they are directors of.
It was fun to get back to painting a bit...for some reason those days are few and far between right now. I had to get the painting done by the middle of the month because...
The day after Lily's school program we surprised the kids with our trip to South Dakota for our oldest niece's high school graduation. They literally had no idea we had planned the trip until we were heading out the door--it was great! We loved our time out with family so much we debated half way across Iowa about just turning back around and calling the kids and Micah off work and school for several more days. Getting away and being a family with no crazy schedules was so refreshing.
Kids outside on Swan Lake Christian Camp's infamous bell
Uncle Micah playing with Liam
Big smiles for all since Aunt Angie was able to hold Liam this trip
Lily's horse ride
Quinn's horse ride with Aunt Judi
Can you tell Quinn was having LOTS of fun outside?!?!
Getting ready for the graduation festivities
Little ornery cuties
Quinn with cousin Laura at graduation
Cousin Melissa swinging the kids on the hammocks
Our family at the lake
Dirt and boys always find each other
Even dirt and the older "boy"--awww....so sweet!
Our family with the Grad-Kayle! Congrats!!!
Papa T with the grandkids
We did continue on home, however, because we had a garden to plant...
and our subdivision garage sales to get ready for. We had great success at the sales so it made all the work worth it. We were then able to collect a lot of the neighbor's "left-overs" from the sales and give them to another family who are adopting another sweet one from Rivers of Hope. They are doing their own adoption garage sale fundraiser in just a few short weeks so we pray our extras will bless their efforts! It was also nice to meet another fellow ROH family in person. Many blessings to them!
Extras being gathered to send off to our other ROH friends
After the garage sales, I was finally able to box up lots of scrubs we've been collecting for several months. With the hospital Micah works at going to uniform scrubs this past year, we were able to ask many he knew to donate their old scrubs for clinics Project Medishare works in. I'm so excited to be able to send these off to this great organization. For more info on what all Project Medishare does in Haiti, click here!
We've also taken advantage of some nice warmer weather and had our first family campfire of the season. We all enjoyed some pizza pudgy pies and s'mores over the flames. Yummo!
Quinn guarding the s'mores supplies
Love
Yummy!
Nothing like a good ole roasted marshmallow
We are then rounding out the month with Lily's 7th birthday on her last day of school today. Can't believe I'm writing I have a 7 year old 2nd grader in our household now! Time flies for sure. Still in blue at the end of the year-ha!
Lily on the first day of school as a 1st grader
Lily on the last day of school as a 1st grader (also her 7th birthday-today!)
This week, we were able to head to Lily's school to celebrate her birthday with her classmates. On each child's birthday, her teacher has the classmates write a little letter to the birthday girl or boy and then she reads them all while that child sits in front of her class. I stood there listening to the words of Lily's peers they had wrote about her with tears in my eyes. As a parent you tend to see so many treasures within the personality and life of your children that you wonder if others notice. I daily get to see so many ways that Lily cares for others, loves with a big open heart, and gives gifts and encouragement like it's going out of style. As I heard the words being read off the pages of these letters, I realized that, yes, God is using those gifts not just in our home but to all she meets. She is a gem! Here are a few of the words her classmates spoke of her--I'm so thankful for having these for Lily to treasure. They are truths spoken over her that will be needed when days come that unfortunately will carry unkind words.
-You are so nice. You are even fast at running and very sweet too. -You are very special because God made you. -You are nice and funny and you are a nice friend. -You are a good artist and you do nice things. -You are very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very nice. -You have a good heart. -You can run as fast as a car. -You are nice and sweet. You are responsible and careful. You are full of love. -You are a good friend. You have a good heart. You are full of love. -You are so, so, so nice to me and the others and you are full of love. -You are my BFF! You have a good heart. You are a good friend. -You are nice and you get your work done in time. You are my first BFF!
So, all in all, this has been a very busy but highly rewarding month. We still have Lily's home party yet this weekend and then I may have to collapse on the couch for a day to recover from it all. When I look back, I'm amazed that this was a potential month (way back when) to have Nora coming home. Obviously, we would have cancelled some things to make it work, but it still would have been pretty crazy. Her homecoming still feels so far off, but the reality is she will be home sometime soon and I'm glad our super busy month is passed so we can relish her even more when she needs us to be more solely focused on her. No new news from Haiti regarding our process, but we have enjoyed a few beautiful new pictures from two of our favorite young Canadian women who traveled back down to ROH to love on our kids again. Ashley and Ketsia have been such a huge blessing to our family and to Nora specifically. We are always grateful for the love they give Nora.
Nora with Ketsia
Nora with Ashley
Chowing down on some mango
Sticky Mango Love
Tired girl
Pure Beauty
Process wise, we are still in MOI, but have not necessarily been there any longer than expected at this point. More typical time frames for this stage are 4-6 weeks although so many from our orphanage have been stuck there for months and months. We are beginning our 4th week there, so please be praying with us we will get out very soon and move on to passports. Our hearts' desires is to see Nora come home by the end of July so our children will be able to have a few weeks all at home together before heading back to school. God is Able! If you remember, at the beginning of this journey we decided to help make these days a little bit more tangible for our children by starting a paper link chain around the top of Lily and Nora's room. Every day we add a link. We had high hopes of having her home before the chain encircled her room twice. Well, we are getting very near the end of that second time around and it's not looking hopeful we will have her home before it reaches the starting point once again, but we have high hopes there will not be too many more chains left to be added. As hard as it is to see link after link after link go up, it has at least created a beautiful scene around the top of their room...almost as if their room is being literally surrounded by love and care just as we pray for Nora each night as a family. Here's a little video to show you the visual of just how many days our children have been waiting to see their sister in their very own home. May God speed the remainder of the process and get these kiddos together!
It is with much joy we report today we have received a message from Haiti today that our dossier is in MOI now. For those of you who have no idea what that means, it means we have passed through legalizations and have our legalized adoption decree. If you still don't know what that means, it means....
This little beauty is now officially a "Thieszen"!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feel free to join in our celebrations today however you want to--we are praising God, dancing, jumping into each others' arms, kissing each other, hugging each other, crying, thanking God over and over and over...you get the picture. We are HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!
Now, what exactly does this mean as far as process? Well, in layman's terms MOI is the last large step on the Haitian end of the process. Our entire dossier and all paperwork gathered on the Haitian side needs one last stamp of approval in order for Nora to be granted a passport. This "stamp" sounds easy enough to get, but it is just the same as all other parts of this process...very unpredictable. I have seen families miraculously get through this stage in 2 weeks time, more typically 4-6 weeks of time, and as long as months upon months upon months of time. The families in our orphanage who are currently in MOI have unfortunately been held up there for too long. We have no idea how long it will take for our paperwork to come through. When it does, it will then head on over to passports, which hopefully will not take more than a few weeks to get. After Nora has her passport, we will then enter USCIS (US Immigration). The current time frame for USCIS has been running about 4-6 weeks as well from entering to take home date! So, yes, we still have several more months to go, but IT IS COMING!!!! Please continue praying for our process and paperwork to get through these last steps with no more major hold-ups. Hopefully soon we will not just have an official "Thieszen" but a "Thieszen" who is HOME with the rest of us...Praise the Lord!
Well, here we are on April 25th. My last post was March 27th. Almost a month has passed and it seems as if our miracle under the surface I wrote about in that last post is still hibernating and growing where I can't yet see it. It's pretty fitting that our actual springtime weather seems to be just as elusive! As I sit here, I look out at the dark, cold horizon and wonder if it will only rain today or if snow will be in the mix again as it was yesterday. Snow in the mix on April 25th...will spring ever come? I found it ironic that my boys were watching one of their favorite Franklin movies the other day called "Franklin and the Green Knight". At one point in the movie, the characters begin a song to try to wake up spring. I found myself singing a line from that song all day long..."Wake Up! Spring, where are you? Wake Up! Come on, Spring, let's have some fun." If only it would work.
That is a wonderful parallel to my thoughts about our adoption process. Just like the longer than normal return of spring, I find myself currently wondering if our adoption decree will ever come. We spent 8 months in IBESR, the first stage of the Haitian side of this process, which included being on the President's desk waiting for his signature. This was "supposed" to be the long haul part of this process. However, at almost 7 months of waiting to simply get our legalized adoption decree, I have come to know first-hand that what was "supposed to be" is simply different for each family's story.
I know our decree will come. Just as sure as spring will indeed appear at some point, it will come, but it has been a long winter and the effects of the cold wind, hard ground, and wintry mix hitting my face has taken a toll. I'm beyond ready to see evidence of fresh, beautiful life coming out to meet my eyes. Beyond ready to see an email grace my inbox folder with a photo, not of my beautiful daughter, but of a beautiful decree that claims Nora is now a legal "Thieszen". (Although photos of Nora are always welcomed!)
The "toll" I just mentioned this long season has had on me comes out in different forms on different days. Some days I'm angry while others I'm filled with peace. Some days are anxious ridden while others are secure. Some days I'm on my knees and others I'm online messaging my fellow adoptive Mamas who are in the boat with me just to remember I am not alone in my human reactions to all I face. Some days I dance for joy despite the pain and others I find myself in a puddle of weeping tears. One of the more recent songs on the radio gives a pretty good representation of my heart at this point in the process. It's called "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North.
Although this song represents a pretty good overview of my thoughts/feelings, there are a few lines I thankfully still don't resonate with. This is the most prevalent..."I've lost my will to fight". Oh, no, this Mama will never lose her will to fight. Each day there is an underlying faith, trust, and hope built by my unending, undying, ever-needed intimacy with my God. Without Him I would be at such a loss. With Him I can continue the fight even when I'm worn beyond myself. I find myself ever-thankful and grateful to God because I have been able to journey through much more than I ever thought possible with His help.
So, how do I keep on in the fight with Him? How do I continue on in the journey of winter until spring eventually comes? Those are great questions that I unfortunately don't have a great answer to right now. I'm struggling to understand my current place in the battle. I'm struggling to know how to be the best soldier for the Lord. As much as I would love to go grab a hold of my papers traveling through the different offices in Haiti and somehow move them along so much faster than what the lawyer is doing, I know that is not possible--it's not the role God has called me to in this fight. I have to rely on another to do that part of the battle for me. As much as I want to daily be loving on Nora in a much more tangible way, I know that is not possible--it's not the role God has called me to right now (oh how it aches to even type that). We have been blessed that Nora's nannies and our director are extending daily love and care to Nora in our absence. So, as far as what is left to do in the fight...I just don't know how to be an active part of this process beyond prayer and immense love for Nora at a distance. Although that "should" be enough, it is really, really tough to not be doing more.
One way I recently tried to be a more active role was to make an additional trip to Haiti. A few weeks back, after many tears and talking through options, Micah and I decided to sacrifice a bit more money, time, and logistics to have me make an additional trip down to love on Nora in the next month. My Mama heart LOVES this stage with my children. 18-24 months is a stage of wonder to me. Their personalities are coming alive and I absolutely delight in watching it unfold. I have been having a terrible time knowing that these beautiful moments are happening in Nora and I'm missing them. We decided a long weekend trip where I could just relax with her, love on her, watch her, and bond more with her would be very beneficial at this point in the journey. It would give me a place to be "active" in this journey. Sadly, however, when I inquired more about dates to make this trip happen, I found out the guest house is full for the next two months and a trip would not be able to happen. A closed door. I can not sit here saying I'm not heartbroken. I can't say it's "fine" to be told you won't be able to go visit your own daughter. It hurts. It is a hard closed door to be starring at, but I know that God is still working all things out for good. Again, it's my faith in the Truth and Character of the God who loves me deeply that sees me through times like these. It's an awesome thing the guest house is full for the next two months--that means that many, many teams are there helping offer medical, dental, or other care to these beautiful people. There are ways to see light even in your own darkness, but it doesn't mean you don't still have your own darkness to get through. I know God has a plan and when closed doors happen, I have to continue knowing He loves me and is always on my side. He will open another door for me soon. I don't know what that looks like, but it will happen.
So where does that leave me? I can't help the paperwork along, I can't take care of Nora's daily needs or tangibly show her my love right now, I can't even make a short trip to see her. I can't make an email show up in my inbox and I can't make this process happen faster. I can't, I can't, I can't... This is where I find myself today. The reality of my thoughts right now is I feel surrounded by a lot of "I can'ts" and I'm searching for a "I can" to hold on to. Some days I get instant answers to those type of questions and other days I'm left with silence. Today, I'm still with silence. I'm still searching. I know I can pray. I know I can believe. I know I can keep learning valuable, life-changing things God is revealing to my heart of hearts along the way, but for some reason, these are not enough. I'm not finding peace in doing these things. I believe there is something more I can do, but it hasn't been revealed to me yet.
In my time of loudly discussing these things with the Lord yesterday (yep, sometimes my "quiet time" with God is not very quiet), I heard Him answering my rant with His loving, tender, calm voice once again. He seemed to be saying to my agitated spirit..."Oh, Angie, I know what you are feeling. I know what you are thinking. I know all too well what it is like to want and desire to be more involved in helping good things happen when there is nothing much you can do. I know what it is like to be in a position where you think or know you could make something happen if you only had the control of it, but instead, you are forced to rely on other people to do it for you and sometimes those people are not doing it quite like you want them to. Angie, sweet Angie, try being in my shoes for a day. This is what I feel, this is what I deal with moment to moment with my creation. My children (you included at times) run wild, you chose to ignore me, you chose to walk on paths not meant for you, you choose second-rate life instead of the abundant life I have planned for you, you choose sin and corruption instead of love and forgiveness, you chose your broken selfish desires over the richness of what you could have if you saw yourselves how I see you. Oh, how I understand your desires for good. Oh, how I long to be able to do more than I can do in the lives of those I love, but until they willingly come to Me and ask of Me to help them, show them, guide them, walk it with them, and bring it to them, I will remain in this same type of place. The place where I see "I can'ts" ruling over "I cans". It breaks my heart as well. Today, Angie, rest knowing I feel your pain and even though you can't do a lot of things, you can love me and love others well. When I can't do what I want to do to help my children, I can still love them fiercely where they are at and continue to hope and believe things can change so I can eventually do more. The rest will be revealed to you as you go, but for now just practice loving. Continue to trust Me. I am here and I am able."
And so I come to today...April 25th...worn, but trustful. Weary, but still fighting. Not filled with answers, but filled with love from a God who has a good plan and understands where I am at more fully than I even do myself. I'm still bundled in my winter coat while my spring jacket hangs on a hook just begging to be worn. I'm heading out into the cold temperatures with the promise that spring will eventually come...probably not today, but some day. I'm heading out with the promise that the miracle of a legalized adoption decree, eventually a passport, a visa, an airplane trip and a daughter in my arms in my own home with her daddy and siblings all surrounding her is still growing just under the surface, but today...it still feels like winter.
It's Springtime! Well...by calendar anyway. Clearly the weather is not quite spring-like since I'm still seeing patches of snow out my window, but low and behold, it is at least on the brink of Springtime. I love Spring. In addition to Spring, it is also the week of Easter. Yesterday, I posted some of my thoughts about Easter (read post here). Today, I want to tie that theme of Easter into a picture God has also placed in my heart over the past few days...the picture of Spring.
Easter is the celebration of LIFE Jesus Christ was given after 3 days of being in the depths of death and hell. It is a time where we look amazingly at an empty grave and thank the Lord of Lords for raising to life that which was dead. It is a time we remember that our God is still living--He is not dead, He is risen indeed. It is a time where we honor Jesus as the Hero, the Conqueror, the Victor over all that comes from Hell with all that comes from Heaven. It is the miracle of all miracles that saves our souls. Jesus' resurrection, however, was not a miracle created on a whim during the waking hours of day 3. It was a miracle that had been a very, very, very long time in the planning...in the making...in the growing...in the perfecting. It was a miracle God had been in control of for far longer than any human would have ever known...a miracle just beneath the surface.
Comparably, when I think of Spring, I think of the wonder of new life being seen all around me. Just as Christ broke through the hardness of sin and death on Easter morning, these tender living greens are breaking through the surface of the hard winter ground to catch their first glimpse of the warm spring sunshine.
Spring is a time of watching all that seemed dead come alive. However, again, like Christ, just as the miracle of His resurrection was not made on a whim, the miracle of these green plants breaking through the surface of the ground is also not something done on a whim. There has been life, action, growth, perfection--the miraculous--happening just beneath the surface. Just because the human eye did not see the happenings of the seed under the soil does not mean it was always going to remain just a seed. God had been working beneath the surface on the miracle He desired us to eventually see--a beautiful, green, living plant. Likewise, just because the human eye did not see what all Christ was doing on our behalf in the depths of hell does not mean He was going to be left as a wrapped corpse on a slab of rock. God had been working on the miracle He desired us to eventually see--an everlasting and loving offer of freedom. God has always been at work--a miracle in the making despite what we could see.
Watch this brief video and be amazed at what all was taking place beneath the surface before anyone on ground level would have even known...
Did you notice before anything else, this tiny seed's roots were developing downward. Essential for it's survival--it needed a root to grown deep down into the soil for nourishment. Without the water from under the surface there would be no hope in a plant growing upward. When a mini-drought came, the growth of the plant was halted. When water returned to the roots, the plant continued its growth. Half way through the video was the first breakthrough of the top layer of soil (stone). Half way through the video, the miraculous would have been seen by the human eye on ground level. Half way. However, because we could watch from the side we now know there were so many critical events happening in that first half of the video. The miraculous was happening beneath the surface. Did you also notice that even after the plant had broken the surface and was basking in the beautiful sunshine where all seemed right and well, it still was supported by the miraculous happening under the surface? When the soil dried up and the roots had no water, once again the plant began to wilt. What was happening beneath the surface was STILL the most critical part of the process of sustained life. When water returned, the plant became full of life once again.
So many parallels, friends. So many good Truths to glean from the happenings of Easter and Springtime. No matter where you are at in life, I would bet you have at least one thing happening where you are staring at an unbroken surface and wondering if God is really there. Is He really caring? Is He really doing anything? Is a miracle really ever going to be there for you? I have two situations that come to the forefront of my mind. One is private and will remain that way. One is more public--our adoption.
When I look back over the past year and 9 months, I can see, in my humanness, where I have questioned what on earth God is doing. Why He seemed distant and silent. Why He seemed to be taking so long to get Nora into our arms. Why He seemed to not be answering some prayers while definitely answering others. All of those have, thankfully, been times where He has come to my broken and weary human place and whispered words of assurance. Truths that even though I am still only seeing the unbroken ground, He is feverishly at work on the miraculous just beneath the surface. That He is not necessarily the One making all the things happen or not happen on the surface level because He's too busy making sure the work under the surface is everything it needs to be for the miraculous to be seen by the world. I believe He truly does desire for the miraculous to never be solely kept underground, but to be seen by those on the surface. He wants that moment of all moments--the moment the living green breaks through the dark soil--to be the most holy and profound moment because that is how much He loves us. He only wants us to see and have the best. The best.
I believe He is doing this very thing in our adoption--I know without a shadow of doubt He is working just beneath the surface. I trust Him and have faith that He is growing the most beautiful, perfect moment of miraculous breakthrough. I am so excited, so anxious, so anticipatory towards this moment, friends, that is hard for me to sit still while the work is underground. My eagerness, my desire, my passion to get Nora home comes purely out of that desire to finally behold the most profound miracle moment I will have witnessed in this entire process. To behold with my own eyes the height of the work of God. I simply can not wait to see it all! I believe Him to be doing the very same things in my more private situation as well, even though that situation is completely different...He is still growing a miracle so amazing it is going to knock our socks off.
There is LIFE happening, friends, where I can not see it. There is LIFE happening where you can not see it. There are roots digging deeper and deeper into a fertile soil that will sustain the plant as it gets closer and closer to the surface of human view. There is a continual water source available for those roots to utilize in the wait, in the breakthrough of the ground, and in the continued growth once in human view. A water source available to sustain the miraculous work happening even when we do not see it ourselves. My responsibility or "job" in the wait, in the stillness, in the wintertime, is to trust God to be doing a work I can not see and to keep my roots fully engaged in the living water He has for them. I pray if you have found yourself in a similar place as I have, you, too, will gain hope and excitement as you rest in the knowledge that Your God has not left you with unbroken ground. He has not left the miracle as a seed under the soil or a body in a grave. He is simply still personally preparing the most perfect miracle for you because He loves you THAT MUCH!
And guess what, friends? It's Springtime! It's almost time for us to behold the breathtaking sight of all the miraculous work God has been up to just beneath the surface. Have I mentioned how much I truly love Spring?
*Before you begin this post, please note some images here are not appropriate
for young children, thanks!*
It's Easter week. We have celebrated as an extended family a little early this year. Chocolate bunnies, egg hunts, and baskets full of goodies have been given. It was a wonderful time of fun and fellowship with my family. A wonderful time of watching the kids get excited about presents and spending time playing games with each other. But, this is not the only place my mind and heart go to during the approaching days before Easter. After all, Easter is not about bunnies.
Over the past two years I have had a new stirring in my inner being when Easter is approaching. A stirring that represents a new-found appreciation, gratefulness, and humbleness of what all Christ has done for me. A new place of reverence for the events we are supposed to be celebrating each year during Easter time. No, friends, Easter is not about bunnies...it is about the triumph of all triumphs, the rising of Christ from death to life, from hell to Heaven, from the tomb to the ever-living LIFE. Growing up I don''t think I ever fully grasped this concept. I was too caught up in the Easter Bunny to give much thought about Christ. Even as an adult I have found it super easy to focus on making sure I'm stocked up with plastic eggs and fake green grass for the kids instead of taking the moments to allow the Truth of this critical event to penetrate my soul and spirit once again. It's not that I haven't heard the true message of Easter before, but my newer
found freedoms God has spoken into me have just heightened the magnitude of my appreciation
levels to new places.
If you haven't figured it out by now, I am a visual learner. I find myself understanding concepts and events much quicker if I have visual aids like photos, videos, demos, etc. to stand in the gap of the words being spoken to me. For those of you out there like me, I hope this post will help you better grasp the events we are celebrating. No doubt even these images and videos will do it no justice, but at least for me it helps me work past traditional and "cute" Easter images like this....
to get me to the heart of the real story...a holy man--the Son of God--who died on a cross of shame for me, a fierce battle fought against the most evil of all evils, the rightful claim of the keys of hell, and the victorious return of Christ from hell itself to offer His freedom and gift to each and every one of us.
Perhaps you are like me and have been made a bit desensitized from the events of Easter. Typically I see images such as these to describe the different aspects of the story.
First of all, there is Satan:
Then, there is hell:
Next we have Jesus:
And His crucifixion:
His fight against the enemy:
And then finally his victory over death:
That sums it up, right? Wow. I'm just not sure that does anything for me. Not sure that really gives me goosebumps or makes me understand the importance of the victory He supposedly gained for me. It doesn't really make me grateful or humbled. It doesn't seem to capture the pure evilness of Satan, the pure agony of hell, the fierceness of the battle in hell, or the miracle of life coming back from the dead. It also does not convey a sense of the magnitude of the love Christ has for me. When looking at images like these, I tend to think thoughts more along the lines of "Well, I'm happy to have Jesus in my heart and I'm glad he defeated evil so I could live with Him in Heaven for eternity. I'm sure his death was gruesome and the events afterwards miraculous, but I just don't get it." Anyone else?
This isn't what I really want. What I really want is to know down in my very marrow that God loves me, and to do that I need to connect on a more "real" level with what all He did for me on that Easter time so long ago. I need to see what He fought against for me. I need to remember He not only risked His life for me, but He GAVE His life for me. I want to know, as best I can, the extreme gravity of the atmosphere of hell that He went to, fought through, and defeated FOR ME. Because His love for me was that intense, that passionate, that serious. Seeing images like these next ones help put at least a bit more of reality into my picture of what Easter is all about...
Jesus, the Lover of my Soul...
loved me so much and wanted me to come into His Freedom so much that he died on a cross for me...
He went to the darkness of death and hell for me...
Puts a whole new perspective on the cute little church song about the gates of hell not prevailing, huh
He actually fought Satan for me...
Are you starting to get uncomfortable now? Are you starting to get the picture of the literal hell Jesus went through in order to show you how much He loves you? I look at these pictures--mere depictions of what might really be--and am humbled to speechlessness. I think if I had one actual look at the fires of hell engulfing fellow humans or a fraction of a glimpse at the horror of Satan himself, I would be scared to death. Literally. I would be so filled with intense fear that my heart would simply stop beating...I mean, come on, just looking at these pictures has me completely on edge.
If the photos have not done it for you, perhaps this will. I know this is not Jesus...nor is it Satan, but whenever I watch these scenes from the popular film series, "Lord of the Rings", I can not help but get choked up at the parallel of the stories. To know that someone would be willing to sacrifice their life for mine and for all others before me and yet to come gives me chills like no other. It is the ultimate story of the Hero protecting and saving His bride from all evil and it gives a more realistic interpretation of the power Good has over Evil because of the sacrifice of One...
Like Gandolf in this video clip, Jesus faced all horror, all fear, all evil at it's worst without hesitation. He dove head first with all power and all authority into the darkness of death and hell to fight and kill the Beast once and for all. And He did it all for me. And you...and your neighbor Gary, and your uncle Henry, and your sister Marcy, and your librarian Nancy, and your kids' bus driver Tom, and the clerk at the grocery, and the semi driver in front of you, an your _________ and your __________ (you fill in the blanks). Get the picture? Jesus Christ loves us all so much that he did the unthinkable, unlivable to us humans--he conquered death itself out of the power of the love He has for each and every one of us. And when He did, He came back with these...
With the keys of hell in hand, He overcame death and breathed again the breath of eternal living...
He did all of this so that those who believe in Him, accept His sacrifice, and are
gifted by His grace, forgiveness, and mercy will have eternal life with
Him
And that, my friends, is Easter. The remembrance, the awe of what He has done, the thankfulness for His sacrifice, the all-due glory for His triumph and victory over all evil, the celebration of a life we NOW can have because of the freedom He gained for us, and the anticipation for the life to come when we die and never have to face the horrors He faced, but instead be ushered directly into the presence of an Almighty Loving God...
I pray that as I stand in my church on Easter Sunday, raising my hands in worship, and partaking in Communion, I will be reflecting not on Easter bunnies, eggs, lilies, or even the family Easter meal still needing the last touches, but instead solely on the unfathomable sacrifice and gift Jesus has given me. That I will be humbly honoring Him for the Warrior He was in death and the Victor He is life. That I will believe afresh in the core of my being that because I have Christ, I have nothing left to fear, I have everything to live for, and I have so many others around me who still need to know that same freedom.
Jesus, come this Easter, and fan a new flame of freshness in each of us that ends up igniting a fire so widespread that nothing and no one will be untouched by Your love. Thank You for all you have done and continue to do out of your love for us. Amen.
Today I have 5 random thoughts about adoption that won't leave my head. I'm sure I've mentioned them on this blog before, but for various reasons, they are sitting with me again today. Here they are....short and sweet.
1. Adoption is clearly God's "Plan B". Plan A would be that every child grows up in their own family with love, support, encouragement, and provisions. When Plan A fails for whatever reason, Plan B comes into play. I'm thankful Plan B exists. I'm thankful God has called me to be a part of it. Plan B will never be as "easy" or be as "perfect" as Plan A, but it is still completely worth the journey. Everything about the process of adoption is messy, vastly, I believe, because it was never originally meant to be this way.
2. Satan is very much against Plan A and Plan B because both are still being directed by God. He will do everything he can to destroy Plan A. When that happens, and a Plan B is put in place, we can be guaranteed that he is not going to stop his desire for destruction. Plan B is going to be messy because of what I mentioned above, but it will be even more opposed, more broken, more messy because Satan will still be on the attack to destroy it. Plan B is a miracle in the making because of everything against it.
3. Mothering during the adoption process is a very complex and hard position to hold. On one hand you are to begin bonding with your child not yet in your own arms/home and fight for them like a Mama Bear. On the other hand, you have no control over how your child is being raised on a daily basis because you are not the Mama doing those things. It is extremely hard to be both fully Mama and detached from what all God has designed that role to include.
4. You can be completely heartbroken and at a loss on what else to do and fully faith-filled in the same exact moment. It has happened so many times along this journey for me. Feeling both human exhaustion and holy excitement to see God at work despite it all. Knowing you can do nothing else physically, mentally, or humanly, yet knowing the greatest asset is having a spiritual side that trumps them all. A spiritual drive in you that remembers so well "not I, but Christ." Not my glory, but Christ's. Not my will, but God's Will. Not by my hand or plan but by Yours, God. He alone is able. In those moments when all else seems to be failing and your heart is about ready to burst in the pain of it all, God's reign in your inner being rises from those ashes and gives you the strength, the stamina, the courage, the rest, the peace, the ability to see the silver linings, the goodness, and the blessings He gives in the journey. You can find excitement stirring in the same moment as you feel all else is failing. Hope for the hopeless. Healing for the hurt. Movement for the stuck. Families for the orphan. A Father to the little girl who needs to know Someone has her back, Someone loves her deeply, Someone who is working a Master plan of redemption, holiness, and good is still working when all else seems to not be. Miracles in the background just waiting for the perfect moment to take center stage.
5. Photos are pretty much always a good thing during the wait. I was quite surprised when we got these the other day, however! Our last photos of Nora were from Feb. 4th--here was a photo from that time...
One month later, this was what we saw--our beauty with much less hair!
They have shaved her hair to try to promote new growth on the sides of her head since it has gradually been falling out over the past year of her life. Hair or no hair, that smile soothes a weary soul.
May God continue to work this adoption out for the good of His Plan. May He continue to mold me into one who sees life more and more from His perspective. May He hear the desires of my heart and grant them out of His love for His children. May I rest knowing He is always at work in each of us, preparing us all for the day of His return.
