A Banner Over 551 Days and Beyond

Today marks 1 year, 6 months, and 1 day into our adoption process.  That's a year and a half, folks.  551 days to be exact.  551 days since Micah and I agreed we would contact a small orphanage in Haiti to let them know we believe they have a child for us.  There are moments when these days have actually seemed to fly by, but more often than not, these days achingly move forward as if in slow motion.  It has been 551 days of my mind and heart being in two different worlds all day long and it has started to wear on me.  To give you some perspective, a typical 9 month pregnancy seems SO long to the woman carrying that child and that is approximately 279 days.  We are at 551.

I just told a friend and fellow adopting Mama yesterday, I've avoided writing a blog post for a little while now because I just don't have much positive gumption left in my attitude.  I'm trying...I really am trying to keep a more positive perspective, to be grateful and remember there are others who have been in this hard place much longer than we have been (which actually just brings guilt), and even reminding myself we truly are getting closer and closer to the day we'll bring Nora home.  The problem is all of these are honestly not touching the ache in my heart--they are just a trick to try to make me believe this isn't (or shouldn't be) as hard as it is.  All of it is not working.  Day 551 just hurts.

Yes, I can hear some of you saying right now--isn't this what you signed up for?  Didn't you know from the beginning it would take at least 2 years to get her home?  What else did you expect?  Well, yes, we signed up for this adoption knowing it would take this long.  Yes, we knew it would be long and hard, but what you think you know at the beginning of something this long never equates what it actually feels like when you are in the thick of it.  When it's day 551, the excitement of the beginning has worn off, the ending seems too far away, and you feel left alone in your constant dwelling on a daughter in a different country and how you long for your family thoughts to rest in one location.

This is where Satan begins to have fun.  Despite the fact others are praying for you and thinking of you, by day 551, you begin to feel very lonely.  In the beginning many people asked about your adoption.  They openly approached you and asked you what country you are adopting from or if you are fostering to adopt or doing a domestic adoption, if you have been matched to a child yet, what all the steps will be, how much money you need to raise, and how long is it expected to take, etc.  You are busy raising funds and spreading the good news that you are "expecting" again.  It is joyous and contagious and those around you, for the most part, are very supportive with hugs and conversations.  They all seem involved.  As time goes on, however, the questions diminish and the thoughts others are still thinking for you/about you become thoughts in their heads instead of verbal affirmations to your face.  Prayers become private instead of corporate.  The key here is not that others actually DO stop thinking and praying for you, but they just aren't as known to you so Satan starts to inch in those cracks ever so slightly with his lies.  He begins to weave his way into your thoughts by making you doubt people even care anymore.  He makes you question who is really even a friend anymore by thoughts such as, "If they are your true friend, they would still be asking you all about the adoption and they would sit with you while you express your frustrations, sadness and desperate desire to get her home.  But, HA!,  just look around...no one is asking.  You don't really have any true friends.  You are alone."  Unfortunately by this point in the battle, you are so worn out and tired yourself that these lies of Satan are too easily believed and everything begins to spiral out of control.  This fuels your misery even more and depression over the fact your family life seems completely split in your head and heart is compounded by this new lie that on top of that, you also have no real friends.  It's sickening.  It's a lie.  It's Satan's work that needs to be combated with Truth.  I, friends, I, I, I needed a big ole' dose of TRUTH on day 551.

The source of Truth can not come from friends.  It can not come from talks with fellow adopting families.  It can not come from anything but God Himself.  Unfortunately, in the moments of loneliness, weariness, and frustration, our human nature typically doesn't just pick up a Bible first thing to regain momentum.  Instead, it tends to throw out short prayers of desperation followed by a faint hope that those prayers "worked". Currently those hopes and prayers are then followed by an obsessed Mama checking her email for an elusive message miraculously saying our paperwork (that has been held up now for over a month) will have entered the next stage of the process.  But, that is not happening.  Eventually, your negative attitude settles just enough to realize how absurd all of your thoughts are and you resolve to open your Bible again and pray for the words to speak to your soul in a way that breaks through all the lies, all the depression, all the frustration, and all of the silence.  Today, on day 551 I finally did just that.

The past two days God has been whispering to my aching soul "Read the passage of Moses raising his hands in battle to gain victory."  The passage was somewhat familiar to me--I remembered that Moses was up on a hill raising his staff in his arms while the Israelite army fought a battle in the valley below.  I remembered that when his arms holding that staff were held high, the battle was being won, but when his arms dropped down, the army began to lose.  I also knew two others were there with Moses and by the end, Moses was too tired to hold his own arms up so they helped hold Moses' arms up to ensure the army's victory.  Despite knowing these details of the story,  I felt as if God was saying there was a little nugget of Truth in that story I needed to hear and it probably wasn't in the facts I could remember own my own.  So, I turned to the story to re-read it this morning...Exodus 17:8-15.

Truth, friends.  Truth is like nourishment to the soul.  Sure, I had some of the facts of the story there, but some were wrong and some were missing and those were the very things God wanted to remind me of on day 551.  Moses was lifting his hands up on a hill inevitably with a staff in them, but it was not "his" staff.  It was God's staff.  There is a major difference there.  So long as he had God's staff lifted up high in his hands, the battle was going in the Israelite's favor, but when his hands were lowered and therefore the staff of God was lowered, the battle was swung the other way.  You see, it wasn't about something Moses owned that made the difference--it was something of God's that made the difference.  Yes, Moses was involved in the work of the Lord in those moments on a hill by raising his hands, but it was not his efforts that made the battle victorious...it was God's staff (I think, symbolizing His presence) that made Moses' role critical.  If Moses would have simply raised his hands with no staff, who knows if the battle would have been won or not.  Something of God had to be present for the victory.  There are moments in this adoption process where it is very easy to think my own efforts are what is the driving force behind movement.  It is easy to think it is because I'm holding my hands up that Nora is gaining the victory of a family who will love her and care for her daily, but that is not Truth.  Truth is the fact that God is the One making things progress towards victory.  I am just the one He has chosen to hold the staff up high.  He doesn't need me to do anything but lift Him up during this journey...the rest is His to make victorious.

Secondly,  Moses, who was only human, grew tired of holding God's staff above his head...who wouldn't.  Have you ever tried to hold your hands up in the air for a long period of time?  I can barely make it through several worship songs at church let alone an entire battle.  However, when he was tired and weary, Moses had been proactive with a backup plan in his time of need.  I doubt Moses invited Aaron and Hur up on the hillside with him to simply watch the battle unfold.  I wonder, at least, if he deliberately brought these men along to be his helpmates when he needed them most.  Maybe he knew his own weaknesses well enough he knew he would not be able to hold up his hands for the entire battle all on his own.  When his arms grew weary, Aaron and Hur got a stone moved over for Moses to sit on and proceeded to hold his hands steady until sunset.  Here is the second lesson God wanted to teach me today.  I thought the lie Satan was saying to me in my moments of feeling so lonely was that I had no friends who really cared about me right now.  Although that may have been the lie I was hearing, there was an even deeper lie discovered when I read this story of Truth today.  The deeper lie was that it is a friend's responsibility to know I'm feeling frustrated, sad, or lonely.  Lie.  Truth: it is my responsibility to invite a few others to come with me on the journey up a hill.  Just as Moses asked Aaron and Hur to come, I am the one responsible to ask my friends to help hold me up in my moments of weakness and tire.  Satan has a wonderful way of making us believe we are not the ones at fault in our loneliness or whatever struggle we are facing--that the blame is on those who are not giving us what we need.  He also has a wonderful way of making us believe each battle is ours to go through alone--that we can do it all by ourselves and don't need others to be involved anyway.  He twists the story in such a sly way it is only revealed when compared and contrasted to Truth.  Today, I walk forward knowing the Truth is: it is my responsibility on day 551 to not do this thing alone, but to find people to hold my hands up and see this battle become a victory.

Lastly, the ending of the story was a key factor to what I believe God wanted me to hear.  At the end, when the battle was won and the events were recorded for memory sake, Moses built an altar and named it "The LORD is my Banner".  A Banner.  Just as Moses had held God's staff above his head in his hands, the Lord is a Banner over each of our stories, our journeys, making all of the battles victorious if we will only continue to hold Him up high for all the world to see.  I am sure in the thick of the battle, especially in those moments when it seemed to not be going their way, there were soldiers on that battlefield wondering if God was really there.  If God was really moving on their behalf or working all things together for their good.  But, the Truth is HE WAS.  He was there--overhead, like a banner, covering the whole day's events until the victory was captured.  Even though this adoption journey is much longer than a one day battle, I have to remember that the Lord's banner of love is still over me.  My hands, as weak as they are, are still raised and my energies are still invested in what He has called me to do.  His Presence is there, still being upheld by my trust and faith and determination to see this battle through to victory.  To do whatever it takes to uphold the will God has for this adoption.  He is still honoring those efforts, as little as they are some days, and using them for His victory.  On day 551 I needed a reminder that the Lord is my Banner too!

So many, many times in my life, God puts a cherry on top of His revelations to me through songs.  Today, it comes in the form of two current favorites of mine..."Banner of Love" by Luminate and "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline.  "Banner of Love" is the reminder of how important it is for us to be waving high that banner of love for others to see.  "Kings and Queens" gives me a beautiful picture of that purple banner being waved overhead...a banner of love to the children who need it most.  Plus it is a beautiful video of some special children in Haiti who no doubt had a BLAST on the shoreline getting to have fun like they probably never have had before.

The Roller Coaster Ride of a Lifetime

Many will say adoption is like a roller coaster ride.  If you could stomach the above clip, it really does remind me of much of our journey.  The main difference is the fact this ride lasts around 3 minutes long while an adoption roller coaster is...well...a LOT longer.

This ride is very reflective of our journey.  The long upward crawl at the beginning of the ride is much of what you feel while gathering the many, many things needed to complete your dossier.  It's a straight one to two months of daily calls, sending papers, getting signatures, background checks, etc.  It's hard work and you feel like each and every check off the list is the click of the coaster going up that hill.  Then you are at the very tippy top of the first steep incline...your dossier is complete...and you send it off expecting that to be the first big rush of a drop on your ride, but when you finally get the view of what is ahead, you see it is not a fast drop, but instead a curve that allows you to slowly gain speed.  This unexpected first turn allows just enough time to swallow your anticipation and get ready for the first big drop.  The first fast movement--the first downhill drop is exhilarating.  You feel as if you are FINALLY going...really going on this ride and it seems as if nothing could slow you down.  Then comes the first upside down loop.  Yep, that really throws you for a loop...literally.  You could see it coming, but for some reason you think maybe, just maybe, the ride will magically swing you in a different direction, but no, you are strapped in and upside down before you even know it.  Twists and turns begin and as much as you can see what is in front of you, you still are surprised at the whiplash and stomach drop-outs you experience along the way.  It is horrifying and wonderfully thrilling all in the same breath.  And then just when you think you have the ride pretty figured out--predictable at least--that's when the dark tunnel engulfs you and you have NO idea where you are, what is ahead, or when you will come back into the light.  In those dark moments when all is unknown, however, you can still miraculously enjoy bits of the ride because you know you are strapped in and free from harm.  That even though you have no control yourself over where you are headed or what you are doing, someone still has the control and has a plan for the track you are on or the ride would have been shut down a long time ago and no one else would be allowed to ride it either.  Then all of a sudden, as quickly as you went into the dark you emerge to the blinding light of more twists and turns and loopy-loops.  At this point in the ride, you are still experiencing the rush involved in each of those drops and turns, but the newness has worn off and you find yourself contemplating when the ride will come to an end more than what will come next.  The ride has been worth the wait in line and the experience of it all, for sure, but you are ready to get off and begin a different ride at the park.  Before you know it, that roller coaster is halting...not at the very end, but just before the end.  That sudden jerk snaps you back to reality--the ride is almost over, but you're still trapped in this seat until the carts slowly move forward again until finally coming to a complete rest at the proper place...the safe place to exit.

For me, I feel as if we are just about to emerge from the darkness of the tunnel on our roller coaster ride.  We have had our fair share of twists, turns, and upside down moments before the darkness, but recently I have felt much more in the dark than knowing what exactly is in front of us.  To some degree this has been a scarey place that I did not like because I am typically by nature a control person.  We had no way of knowing anything when we were in the dark and it made me uncomfortable and uneasy.  However, for myself, it has also been a place where God has reminded me over and over that He is still in control, still has me securely strapped into the cart and will not let any harm come to me while I can not see myself.  It is a place where I have felt tired yet restful.  Excited yet frustrated.  Expectant yet questioning.  And now that we are right at the tail end of those moments in the dark tunnel where we can just see the glimmer of light again, I am thankful to have experienced that tunnel...it is making the light of the rest of the ride that much more brilliant and wonderful.

On November 25th we were told by our director the lawyer hoped to have our adoption decree by the end of that week, but then everything went silent.  We had no idea what was going on.  We were under the impression the decree did not come through and for whatever reason, we were stuck in Parquet like many of the other families have been.  We sent several emails over the past 23 days inquiring about the delay, but they were all met with either silence or an occasional encouragement to praise God even in the midst of this inconvenience.  It all led us to believe we were certainly "stuck"...like our ride in the dark tunnel for whatever reason just seemed to be stopped.  However, yesterday we found ourselves getting a glorious peek at the light up ahead.  We found out we have not been stuck in Parquet these entire 23 days, but instead have been moving through the next stage of the process where the legalizations of our adoption decree take place.  The lawyer is hopeful we will exit at the end of this week with the fully legal decree!  Hallelujah!  The news feels like our own little Christmas miracle!  Like a delay of almost a month was just erased from our process simply because we were in the dark tunnel.  Now we still have to get that decree signed at the end of this week as the lawyer is hopeful for and this, friends, is where we are focusing our prayers because there are always twists and turns of the unexpected on this ride.  When we get that message that the decree has been signed and Nora is officially a "Thieszen", we will bust out of that dark tunnel and continue the rest of the ride in the glimmering light of the SON again.  We will still have track left to ride...still have more uphill climbs and downhill rushes, loopy-loops, and turns before that sudden halt close to the end, but it will be the tail end of the ride for us and we will be so thankful to be there.

For those trying to keep track of our progress, the next part of the roller coaster ride will be MOI.  This stands for Ministry of Interior and it is the last department on the Haiti side of the process to put their own check over all of the paperwork and approve our little girl for her passport.  This can move lightening fast (a few families recently got through in a miraculous 9 days!!!!) or it could be months and months of correcting errors in the paperwork if they exist.  After passing through MOI, we will enter passports, which should be just a few days if all goes well.  Then our file will be complete on the Haiti side and ready to be passed onto the US side of things at the Embassy.  This is where things get interesting and could very possibly be those moments after the big halt of the roller coaster ride where we just slowly have to still inch forward to get to that safe exit area.  If you remember, Nora's birth mom forgot her ID card when going to the Embassy for her birth-parent interview and did not get rescheduled until February 12th.  The Embassy has informed me all of the other paperwork checks can be done before this interview, but I have no idea how long after that interview it would take for our paperwork to be finalized with a visa in hand.  We continue to trust God knows what all of this looks like and will pray for His Will to be carried out all the way to the very end of this ride.

A roller coaster ride, indeed!  Adoption is one very, very long roller coaster ride.  Like a real roller coaster ride, it draws in those seeking adventure, rush, and the thrills of getting strapped into a ride we don't have much control over.  It allows us to put our fears, our hesitations, and ourselves aside and trust that the One who built the ride meant for US to ride it!  That He will keep us safe throughout all the twists, turns, tunnels, and upside down moments and in the end, bring us through an amazing experience we will never forget.  To be honest, as much as I want to be the dare devil who rides all the crazy rides at real amusement parks, I don't typically get that chance because my stomach is too weak and I would end up being the one person you DON"T want to sit beside if you know what I mean.  Eeek.  I am so, so grateful God has allowed me to finally ride a roller coaster my stomach can handle...this one has been a crazy ride for sure and one I will never be sorry I took.  At this point however, I have to be honest and say, as much as I know there are more tracks to go over, I'm ready to get off this ride and enjoy the next part of the park...the kiddie rides, perhaps, with another little one in tow!

I Know Who Goes Before Me

At this point in our adoption process, we are tired.  We know we still have quite the road ahead of us, but with being one year, five months, and six days into our journey, I think it's okay to say we are just tired.  Tired of not being with Nora, tired of communication issues, tired of delays, tired of the unknowns, and tired of the wait.  I woke up this morning having a dream about Nora for the first time.  In the dream I had decided to head to Haiti and spend some time with her.  She was looking adorable as usual in a pretty red dress and was posing for pictures with me as she said "cheese" with a big ole' cheesy grin on her face.  Waking up with this dream left me smiling and yet sad...I'm tired of feeling this dynamic mix of emotions--joyful and sad in the same breath.  Micah and I talked recently of how God must have been laughing at us as we said we'd follow His call to adopt--we knew we were done having our own biological children because we didn't want to go through another pregnancy ever again.  The labor part was actually a wonderful experience for me, but the pregnancy itself was just a bit too much for us to ever want to do it again.  Ha!  Little did we know this adoption pregnancy is close to doubling the 9 months of a physical pregnancy and it has been just as grueling, if not maybe even slightly more.  I guess I'm just ready for labor.  Bring on the pains of the home stretch, bring on the pressure and breathing and pushing...I'm ready for some intense movement to get our daughter into our world.

Even though we long for those moments and eventually that glorious moment when she is in our home, we still have more and more months of an adoption pregnancy to take care of.  As far as the process, we are still stuck in Parquet court with no knowledge of when we will get through it.  The typical time frame is 1-2 months and we have been there now just over 2 months.  No word of movement.  Over 2 weeks ago our director let us know she should be getting our adoption decree that week, but it has yet to be signed.  Nora is still not officially ours and I'm bummed about that today.  On top of that, our birth parent interview that was scheduled for Dec. 5th didn't end up happening.  Nora's birth-mom did come for the interview, but she forgot her ID card so the US Embassy would not interview her.  They rescheduled her for February 12th.  Ouch.  We were hoping the process would continue in such a way we could potentially be bringing Nora home not long after that date, but now we have no idea how much longer it would take after this interview to get our visa approval.  It was a hard blow in our process, but one we can't do much about.  I did contact them to see if the interview could be moved up, but they denied the request.  So, now we continue sitting, waiting, wondering when the labor will begin.

In the midst of the lull, it is easy to stay focused on how tired, disappointed, and frustrated we are with the delays.  It is easy to roll our eyes and huff a "who the heck knows" when someone asks how much longer it will take to get her home.  What is the harder choice in those moments is to still remember God is in control of it all.  To Praise Him for the ways He is orchestrating this whole journey.  To place it on His shoulders and rest in the fact He is by our side in each step--whether we are rejoicing or weeping, being frustrated or delighted, still pregnant, in labor, or in the joys of bonding.

There is a new song scheduled to be released in January--"Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)" by Chris Tomlin.  It is a favorite of mine already.  It sums up this adoption experience for me.  If you haven't heard it yet, here it is...

 

This song reminds me of so many key things throughout the journey.  It reminds me of the MANY, MANY, MANY ways the Lord has shown Himself to me and others in this journey.  It reminds me of the incredible ways He has opened my eyes to the spiritual realms and all that must go on while we live blindly unaware of it all.  It reminds me of the fact that God is the Victor and will reign at the end of this day, this week, this month, this adoption.  It reminds me that it is not me, our orphanage director, the lawyer, the Haitian government, or the US government who will win this battle against the enemy--it is the Lord God Almighty.  It reminds me He has the whole world under His care (including Nora in Haiti) and nothing standing in front of His will will remain standing when He gets done with it.  It reminds me of the One who goes before me in everything--adoption process included, the One who stands beside me in my weary moment today, and the One who is behind me--marking His hand at so many places for me to glorify Him, thank Him, and trust Him with an unknown future.  It reminds me that even though today trouble lingers still, God is my strength, my shield, and the One I can trust...I do not have to fear anything because He is with me.  It reminds me that God promises me wonderful, good things and HE alone is trustworthy and faithful to seeing those through to completion.

I am humbled today that my God would love little ole' me enough to send armies, quite literally ARMIES of angels to my side to help me whenever I need it.  This picture takes me back to an earlier time in our process when God laid a vision in my head of the battlefield this adoption truly is and who all is on my side in the heavenly realms and who all is against me (see this post for a further description).  It is amazing and awesome to know that Truth today in the tiredness of the battle...I have an army of angels at my side ready and willing to carry on in battle while I am just too tired.  I can simply rest today and pick up my weapon again tomorrow.  I am also humbled the same God who draws up an army of angels for me considers me His friend--not His subject or project, but His friend.  Today, although I am still tired, I am blessed and honored.  I am right where He can minister to my needs, teach me even more about His love for me, and be glorified even greater for the work He is doing in my life.  I can look forward towards the remaining months of this "adoption pregnancy" knowing the Friend I have going before me--the God of angel armies who is always by my side--and it brings hope and encouragement to my tired soul today.

Behind Her Smile

This woman has changed my life.  I am deeply stirred by her story...her life...her choices and sacrifices.  God has used her to open my eyes and heart to injustice and grace.  I'd like to take a moment out of your day to share with you what all is behind this young woman...behind her smile.

It is my honor to introduce Adrienne to you.  Adrienne is the daughter of Benita and Anold.  She is a sister to four other girls and one boy.  She is a Haitian.  She loves all kinds of music.  She loves the color yellow.  She loves the Hibiscus flower.  She is currently 18 years old.  She is the birth-mother of two little girls, one being Nora.  She is my relation because she is another one of God's many creations...one of His "pride and joys".  She is absolutely beautiful...stunning actually.  Her smile could light up any room she was in.  When I look at this picture our orphanage director sent me a few days ago, I smile.  Adrienne's smile makes me smile.  But, oh, if you only knew the heartache behind that smile.  The blessed soul of one begging for redemption and more of the life God desires each of us to live...all hidden beneath a smile.

When Adrienne was 12 years old she was forced out of her mother's home and sent away from her brother and sisters to her aunt's house (her father was out of the picture by this point).  I do not know why Benita had to have Adrienne leave her side.  I do not know all the details of her story...I do not need to...I have heard countless others of young Haitian girls being given up because their mothers have felt they have had no choice but to do this.  12 years old, friends.  Twelve.  Do you need a visual?  This is me at 12...

At twelve I was relaxed in my own home with no fears, threats, or demands to leave.  I was making friendship bracelets.  Friendship bracelets.  Leaving my mom and going to live with my aunt would have been unthinkable.

If you think Adrienne's story is unthinkable already, there is much more darkness in the reality of her young world.  If it were my story I would tell it because I am an open book when it comes to my past and I would tell anyone anything if it meant someone else would benefit from the truth being said out loud and healing found for another person out there.  So many times in this world we live thinking we are the only one who has suffered in some sort of way and live a life of secrecy and shame.  Living in secrecy and shame is not the life of freedom and joy God intended.  God came to set the captives free not to see them covered over with people's opinions that some things are just too shocking to have others know.  Adrienne's story is one where there is so much wrong done to her--a story so similar to the many young girls in Haiti no one is speaking up for.  Adrienne's story is full of moments at the tender age of 12 that no one should ever have to endure.  And yet because she lives in a third-world country where her voice just becomes one of the many, and no one is fighting for her, she has been left in the silence.

Fast forward two years and you would find Adrienne still living with her aunt, but now pregnant.  She got dismissed from school and her aunt made her leave.  Can you even fathom?  Leaving her first home to come to this one and then being kicked out of this one too?  Such loss.  Her aunt sent her to an old man's house telling her to stay for a week and then come back.  Again, I do not know why...I do not need the full story.  Instead of staying with this old man for the one week her aunt told her to, for some reason, Adrienne stayed in his home for two years.  Adrienne decided to bring her first baby to the orphanage at six months old...a hope and prayer this young child would have a better life than what she felt she could provide for her herself.  A selfless choice of love.

Fast forward another year and you would find Adrienne pregnant again and still living with "the old man".  This old man's name is Joseph.  He is Nora's birth-father.  Adrienne gave birth to Nora at age 17.  Seventeen.  Do you need another visual?  Here I am at 17...

At age 17 I was a typical older teen--always on the phone, a bit boy-crazy, and consumed with the involvement of my high school years.  I can not even imagine taking that phone out of my hand and placing my second-born daughter in my arms instead.

Adrienne was shopping for vegetables in the market at noon on September 30, 2011 when she felt a pain in her stomach.  At 4 p.m. she birthed her second child.  Another beautiful little girl she named "Josephine".  Josephine means "Jehovah increases"--little did Adrienne know the name she chose for her daughter would be a significant part of our own story line--it has certainly been Jehovah who has increased our family with this sweet little girl.  Josephine (or Nora Josephine as we will call her) was kept at Adrienne's side for one month before being brought to the same orphanage as her half-sister.  At age 17, Adrienne had already given over two of her own precious girls to an orphanage...to safety...to protection...to a future childhood that would be much, much brighter than her own.  Can you start to see the amazing strength and love this young woman has?

Currently, you would find Adrienne 18 years old and back in her mother's household.  She left Joseph sometime in the past year and moved back in with her mom.  I do not know what made her make the decision to leave.  I do not know why her mother is accepting her back now.  All I know is there is a young woman who's story should not bring about a smile on her face and yet it is still there.  Beauty from ashes.  As our director has told us, Adrienne is very innocent and naive and has led a sad life so far.

So far.  And isn't that the key?  So far.  In Adrienne's 18 years of life she has had to survive and endure through more cruelty and loss than I can imagine.  But all of that is Adrienne's past.  It is her "so far".  But what of her future?  What is her "yet to come"?

When I asked our director to have Adrienne answer some questions so Nora would know more about her someday, one of the questions I asked was "What are your hopes and dreams?"  Her answer...to go back to school someday.  Seriously.  Let that sit with you a minute.  She could have said she wanted a house to call her own.  She could have said to have a baby she didn't feel the need to give up for adoption.  She could have said to find a husband who would love her.  She could have said she wanted enough food for three meals a day.  She could have said so many different things, but all she said was "to go back to school someday".  Friends, education truly is the key to any bit of quality to life in Haiti.  Education is what brings hope, freedom, and the chance for success...and Adrienne knows it.  The chance for a job that would bring in any kind of income would be priceless for her.  She isn't asking for a free handout--she is asking for the opportunity to learn to do something valuable with her life.  Education, however for the most part, is not free in Haiti and therefore is simply a hope and dream to Adrienne and so many other children who do not have enough money to afford it.

So, it is our hearts' desire to see Adrienne's hopes and dreams become a reality.  It is our hearts' desire to have her "so far" in life become a night and day difference from her "yet to come".  We are currently trying to gather more information on the costs of schooling and what all will have to happen for this hope and dream of hers to become a shining reality.  Our family will not be able to do anything for her until this adoption is final so that the government does not think she gave us her child in exchange for education.  That is the farthest thing from truth.  Our desire to see her hopes and dreams reached has nothing to do with Nora...it has everything to do with the fact we also want to extend love in a tangible way to Adrienne.  We believe as Adrienne has her hopes and dreams of an education fulfilled, she could blossom with new hopes and dreams that could literally change the face and future of Haiti.  It's the same desire I have for all of the children of Haiti as they would receive educational help.

As heart-wrenching as it is to hear this account of Adrienne's life, it is even more heart-wrenching to think of her life continuing on in this pattern instead of being redeemed by the hand of God through His people.  A hard, sad life is not what is behind Adrienne's smile.  HOPE is behind that smile, friends, HOPE for a brighter future.  Hope that others will get involved and help.  It is my hope and prayer her smile will remind each of us to get involved in any way we can to help another individual in need.  It is also my hope and prayer her smile would remind each of us it is not so much about what our past has been but so much more about the future before us.  Our own hopes and dreams are still in front of us and still obtainable no matter what our current situation looks like.

Adrienne, my sister, my friend, you have been such a gift to me.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your trust and grace in my love for Nora.  I thank you for enduring through the tragedies of your life and still holding onto a thread of hope for something greater.  I thank you for sharing your story and heart with me.  I pray God would begin such a great work in your life that you will almost think you are in heaven already.  I pray for the beautiful smile on your face to truly be present each and every day of your life from here on out.  And lastly, I pray, your story...your life...your smile will touch more people than you ever thought possible and that God would use them to draw so many others closer to Him.  I know you desired Nora to remember you as her mom, but I believe God can use you for so much more than that and I am excited to see what all that will be.

** If you are interested in helping other children, like Adrienne, attend school in Haiti, I encourage you to go to Mountain Top Ministries website to find out more about sponsoring a student--www.mtmhaiti.com.  If God is calling you to get involved in helping others in a different way,  I encourage you to follow His leading in whatever direction that is. **

Will We Have Nora Forever?

Another adopting mama told us on our "Adopting from Haiti" facebook group that she was talking with a store cashier about the impending arrival of their little girl from Haiti.  The cashier apparently then asked her if she was going to keep her once she had her home.

WOW.

I can not even fathom this question being asked of me by a complete stranger.  Why on earth ANYONE would go through this process and NOT keep their child at the end is beyond me.  It's so sad to realize this actually does happen on occasion for various reasons.  It's also sad to realize some people actually ask questions like that without knowing any of the adoptive family's journey!  However, I had to chuckle at the comment as well because it made me flash back to a conversation I had with Toby just a few weeks ago...

I was driving Toby, our 4 year old, back from preschool the other day and he asked if Nora was going to be home by Christmas.  I told him that she wouldn't be, but that she'd definitely be home for next Christmas.  He then asked if that was before we would be taking her back to Haiti.  What!?!?!  Very surprised at his question, I assured him that once Nora gets to our house we will never have to take her back and she would be his sister forever just like Lily is his sister (which I thought was a well-understood concept by this point).  He looked confused and said, "No, Mom, you have always said we would take her back to Haiti!"  What!?!?!?!  Very concerned with his thoughts, my mind was racing to try to figure out why on earth he had been thinking she would have to go back.  In my silence, he again adamantly expressed that I had kept saying we would take her back.  Finally it dawned on me...I HAD been saying that all along!  I had been saying when Nora was old enough to remember the trip, we would take her back to Haiti with all of us along on the trip.  HA!!!!  Poor boy...here he's thought my version of a family vacation to take Nora back to Haiti to show her where she came from and have her meet everyone again was his version of taking her back for good.  Oh, so sad--and funny too!  I'm just glad we cleared up the story so he knows the truth.  So he knows when she gets here, she is here for good and that even after a trip to Haiti, she would still be coming back home with us!  Adoption through the eyes of a 4 year old--it's never boring!

In related news for this adoption to keep moving forward, will you please join us in prayer tomorrow, Wednesday, December 5th, as Nora's birth-mom, Adrienne, will go to the US Embassy for her interview?  We are praying, obviously, for the interview to go smoothly...for the Embassy worker to be kind to Adrienne and for Adrienne to answer all of the questions well so we can move onward in the US side of our process with no delays.  We also covet your prayers for the Haitian side of the adoption as well.  We still haven't heard news about obtaining our adoption decree.  We are hoping/praying for news this week that we received this also so we can move forward on the Haiti end of things.  Movement forward, friends, that is what we are asking our Lord to grant us--movement forward so we can bring Nora home...forever!

The Not-So-Skinny on our Adoption Update

Just an update here...a "not-so-skinny" on our adoption process for those following along.  A "skinny" means I'm just going to give you the concise details/facts without a lot of unnecessary details.  For those who have been following this blog or know me well you will immediately recognize this as a challenge for me--I'm just a wordy girl--so, alas, this is the "not-so-skinny"!  Anyway, on with the details...

We got an email from our orphanage director last night saying our Adoption Decree is being prepared now and she hopes to have it next week to prepare it for MOI!  This is awesome news!  The Adoption Decree is the tail end of Parquet Court (where our paperwork is currently).  This decree, on paper, legally makes Nora Josephine officially Nora Josephine Thieszen!  Yep, it means on paper she will legally be ours, however, there are still many things that need to happen before we will get to bring our girl home.  It will still feel wonderful to know this major step has been accomplished.  The preparing of our paperwork for MOI is a series of 4 different legalizations/signatures from 4 different departments verifying other signatures on our paperwork.  This stage is supposed to take 1-2 months.  Each signature should only take a week to receive, but each department only signs the papers on specific days of the week so if our paperwork gets dropped off on a Wednesday and they only sign on Tuesdays then it will sit until the following Tuesday.  If that happens at each place the 4 weeks turns into 8 pretty easily.  Please pray for our paperwork to get to each department on the perfect day to move us through in 4 weeks!

After those legalizations are complete we move into MOI (Ministry of Interior).  This part of the process is a very tedious check over all of the paperwork in order to issue the child's passport.  If the paperwork has no errors, this part should be only a month long at most.  If the paperwork has mistakes, however, it can be a very long and daunting task to get them corrected.  For example, if there is a spelling mistake in the second sentence, they will just stop reading the paperwork at that point and send it back saying it needs to be corrected.  Once that spelling error is corrected, it would go back to them at MOI and they would continue reading.  If they find another mistake in the third sentence then back again it goes to the lawyer for more corrections.  Our paperwork would go on and on with the back and forth dance until it is all correct.  So, obviously, in this stage we are praying for all of our paperwork to be error-free so we can move through this stage quickly.

After MOI, our passports will be printed.  We hope our passport time frame will be similar to the others of our orphanage, which is just a few days, but others adopting from other orphanages seem to be getting stuck in passports for much longer so, again, another area where we will pray God can issue that passport in just a few days.  With a passport in hand, all of the paperwork can be presented to the US Embassy to complete our visa application.  From what we have heard, this ending visa stage could be around another month of time.  When the visa is complete we can head down to pick Nora up and bring her home!

So, if all goes well in each of the following stages, we could potentially have Nora home in February/March!  However, with everything in Haiti, there is always potential for delays, changes, mistakes, etc.  We continually try to be realistic in our own thoughts for time frames--we humanly estimate more of a late spring/early summer homecoming.  God, however, is completely ABLE to bring Nora home as soon as miraculously possible so we will allow Him to be the one to truly decide the homecoming time frame.  Both of Micah and my birthdays are in March and I can't think of a better birthday gift this year than to have my little girl in my arms in Goshen, Indiana!

So friends, we covet your prayers this week for our paperwork to be finished up in Parquet court and for our Adoption Decree to be printed so we can move forward into legalizations.  The following week we want to also ask for prayers specifically on Wednesday, December 5th.  This is the date of the birth parent interview at the US Embassy.  Nora's birth mom, Adrienne, has to go before the Embassy to give them her own "okay" for Nora to become our daughter.  This sounds easy enough, but from what we have heard, this interview feels more like an interrogation than a pleasant meeting.  Please pray first of all that Adrienne will show up for the interview and for her to remain calm and simply answer the questions they have for her well.  Pray for the Embassy worker to not be harsh on Adrienne for her desire to see Nora have a "better life" than what she feels she could have offered her personally.  Pray that the interview would ultimately be a success and our visa paperwork would continue on in the process uninterrupted.

Thankfully, our director also sent this in her email last night: "I just talked to Adrienne as I was reading your e-mail. She will come December 5 for the interview. She was telling me that her phone doesn't work properly, so she has to put her sim in another phone when she has to call somebody. Thank God it was the right time I called her."  Another testimony that God is in control here, friends, and He desires for Nora to get through this process even more than we do!  I'm praising Him today for making things as simple as phone calls to go through at the exact right time!

As always, thank you all for your prayers.  Keep them coming over the next few weeks for these important steps we need to get through.  I will update everyone as we know more--perhaps a more "skinny" version of an update...perhaps not-ha!  Blessings!

P.S.  We had also gotten an update a few days ago about Nora.  She was only a few days away from taking her first steps on her very own so this could have easily have happened over the weekend.  This is a thrilling event for her as well as us.  She was walking well with our hands while we were there so knowing her progression is happening as it should comforts us in the wait.  I can't wait to be able to see that walk again with my own eyes!

"Lincoln"--More Than Just a Movie Review

Micah and I took our date night this past weekend to head to the movies.  This does not happen often.  The timing of our regular babysitting group has to line up just right with a showtime in order for us to make it to those comfy reclining seats, but this time it worked out perfectly so we bought our tickets and headed into a packed theater.  Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" was the movie of choice.  I saw the preview for the movie one time and for whatever reason (a.k.a. God) felt a strong urge to go see it.  I am a visual learner in general, so give me a bit of history on a movie screen and I knew I would come to understand that moment in the books much better than I had understood it before.  I sat hand in hand with my man in a dark room surrounded by many others as I not only watched history come to life, but oh so much more.

If you haven't even heard about the movie, here is the trailer for you to watch...

I can not say enough positive things about this movie.  My movie review would be short and simple: Two thumbs up from this household--go see it!  My extended review that goes beyond the movie itself would be the following:

There is a line spoken in the movie (and in the movie trailer above) that stirs the emotions of my soul.  President Abraham Lincoln, remarking about the importance of the ratification of the 13th Amendment (to abolish slavery) says, "This settles the fate for all coming time.  Not only of the millions now in bondage, but of unborn millions to come."  Oh, yes, President Lincoln, oh yes.  As I sat there watching the 13th Amendment being fought over and eventually signed in front of my eyes Saturday night, I wept tears of abundant thanksgiving for this immensely critical moment in the history of our country and world.  Freedom for the black-skinned creations of God.  Freedom, as Lincoln said, for the millions then and for the millions unborn.  Freedom for a daughter I had no idea God would bless me with.  Freedom for our family to include such a precious soul into our hearts and lives.  Freedom for Nora Josephine.  In that moment on December 6, 1865--almost 147 years ago--my life, my personal life, was changed by a room full of men I will never meet nor get to thank personally.  I just wept in the theater as I thanked my God for each of them.  I thanked God for President Lincoln's deep conviction and desire to see all men and women, regardless of the color of their skin, equal.  I thanked God for bringing Nora into our lives to make moments of our country's history mean something more powerful than it ever did previously.  I thanked Him for this thread of history touching our lives in such a rich and meaningful way.

No, Nora, is not an African American.  She is not a descendent of an American slave family who would have been released from their chains of bondage because of what President Lincoln did.  However, she is still a descendent of a slave family in Haiti.  The Africans were shipped to Haiti as slaves just the same as they were shipped to the shores of North America.  They were abused just the same.  They were killed just the same.  They had their own slave revolt and fought for their freedom (and won!).  There was much blood shed on the ground of Haiti for Nora's rights as a human being just as there was blood shed on the ground of the United States of America.  Because of both histories and better yet, because of both countries' heroes, we are grateful. This moment of the 13th Amendment in American history, as well as the account of the Haitian Slave Revolt, has changed our lives forever and made possible the adoption of a beautiful black-skinned child of the Most High God to our white-skinned family.

Tears of thankfulness and joy, deep appreciation for victorious freedom, and the blessing of having our lives touched by the past...it was so much more than just a movie on a Saturday night for me.  It was so much more than just a two thumbs up.  It was the work of God in our history being seen as a work of God on the big screen that touched the work of God in my own life...it left an impact to my core.  I can not help but encourage others to go see the movie and allow that one defining moment in our country's history to also impact your current day-to-day life in a more intimate way.